LDSLiving Magazine Article

Check out the March-April issue of LDSLiving Magazine. 

I have an article in it called "Adventures in Smiling". 

The magazine took this piece from my newest book called "15 Secrets to a Happy Home".

Sharing my Love of Writing with Students

One of the things I like best about being an author is when teachers invite me into their classroom to talk about writing.  I especially enjoyed my classroom visit to Reese Elementary School today with Mr. Roberts and Mrs. Beyal's students. These students asked great questions and some of them even shared their own writing with me. I have a feeling that there are many future writers in this group of bright enthusiastic students.  Thank you for inviting me and KEEP WRITING!

Getting Rid of Fear

Fearful thoughts take all the fun out of living. Even if the worst thing we can imagine happens, we will discover we can survive it. Life goes on and we are capable of much more than we know. The what-if disease takes a terrible toll on our happiness.

My favorite remedy for the what-if disease is what I call the horribilization remedy. My rules for horribilization are as follows: First have a fearful thought such as, I have to give a speech in front of all those people. I know I’m going to bomb. We usually obsess over that thought until we’re ready to pass out. To horribilize you have to go even deeper. You think of what-ifs until the very worst thing happens - death. You horriblize to the death conclusion like this, What if I give such a bad speech that everyone thinks I’m stupid and they tell my boss and he fires me and then I can’t buy groceries, starve and die? I guarantee that taking a fearful thought to the death conclusion will always make you laugh at yourself. Besides that, I believe life after death is going to be great so dying isn’t actually all that bad.

When my friend was going through treatment for breast cancer I asked her how she was doing. 
"I'm doing fine," she said. "This treatment is awful but I figure if it doesn't work and I die, I'll be able to be with Pete (her husband who had died unexpectedly at an early age) and if I live I'll be able to be stay here with my children and grandchildren for a few more years.  Either way, I trust that what ever happens is in God's hands, that I'm loved and everything will work our for the best."

A little natural fear is normal; without it we wouldn’t need courage. On the other hand, paralyzing fear is and always will be a fatal disease of the heart for it signals the end of faith. Fear and negativity take up so much room in our heart there is no space for anything else.


I used to have preconceived ideas about how events and people in my life were supposed to turn out. I always worried that things wouldn't work out the way I wanted. Yet life always has a way of teaching us that we are not in charge. The only control we have is how we respond to the the things that happen to us.
Now I choose to wake up, think positive thoughts, do my best that day, learn from what happens then leave the rest in God’s hands. It is amazing how much better I feel.

“Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong.”(D&C 121: 45)

Positive Thinking Takes Practice

If you want the power of positive thinking to be a permanent part of your life you have to practice.  Whenever a fearful, negative or hateful thought enters your mind, replace it with a positive, hopeful or loving one. For example: hateful thought, I’m fat and ugly - replace with loving thought, I am a precious son or daughter of God. Fearful thought, I can’t do that. I’m not smart enough - replace with hopeful thought, I can do that. I can work hard and never give up. Negative thought, Why don’t they like me? There must be something wrong with me, replace with positive thought, I am lovable. There are healthy people waiting for my love.


Do you often feel like a failure? Check your thoughts. Thoughts of failure lead to feelings of failure that lead to actions that guarantee failure. Are you usually in a bad mood? Check your thoughts. Our thoughts are the authors of our moods. We choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood. Do you feel connected to other people? Check your thoughts. When we have a hard time connecting with others it may be because we are secretly harboring negative thoughts about them.

The way we think about our life is always more powerful than our actual circumstances. Circumstances don’t make us who we are, they reveal who we are. Obsessive worrying gets us in trouble. It is not always all the things that go wrong that drive us crazy; it is obsessively thinking about all the things that go wrong that drives us crazy. For example, one mother told me she was constantly worried and anxious about her troubled children. Then one day it dawned on her that if she could only be as happy as her most unhappy child, she’d have to be sad her whole life. She mentally separated her desire to nurture and love her children and her bad habit of mirroring their bad moods or being depressed about their poor life choices.

Words are powerful. What words would you describe yourself?  Do you use words like brave, teachable, grateful, optimistic, loving, curious or generous? Or do you use words like pathetic, incompetent, fat, ugly, scared or inept?  If we entertain negative thoughts about ourselves we probably entertain negative thoughts about others.  It is possible to change this negative way of thinking.  How?

First, make a life-long commitment to weed out all your negative, fearful and hateful thoughts.  As you practice controlling our thoughts, you’ll gradually create new pathways or connections in your brain. The greater your awareness and commitment, the quicker your mind will go to the positive, courageous or loving thought until you have effectively rewired your brain.

Second, understand that rehashing all our problems accomplishes only one thing – keeping us mentally stuck. We can literally make ourselves sick by the thoughts we think. What is your response when you are offended, misunderstood, treated unfairly, accused wrongly, passed over, hurt, rejected or abused? The nature of that response will determine the quality of your life.  So choose wisely.

Third, realize that the way you act begins with how you think.  If you don’t like the way you act, you need to go back and take a look at your thoughts.  Thoughts always preceed actions.

So give it a try.  Just for today - make a committment to be aware of your thoughts.  Whenever a negative, fearful or hateful thoughts comes to mind, replace it quickly with a positive, loving or hopeful thought.  If you want to have a happy life you have to have happy thoughts.  The choice is yours.

Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life!

Scientists have discovered we often respond to a placebo as well as a drug during clinical trials. Why? Because the patient thinks he or she has been given the drug. By the power of his thoughts or expectations, the effect is produced with or without the drug. In effect, our thoughts become our realities. Though we can’t control what thought enters our mind, we can control whether or not it stays there. The power to quickly change our thoughts is perhaps the most life-altering power we possess. The commitment to allow only positive, courageous and loving thoughts to remain in our mind takes consistent awareness, practice and determination or we’ll fall back into old negative habits.


I once sat in a class where an instructor, who had studied the human brain all his life, told us that when we have a negative, fearful or hateful thought we immediately lose 30 IQ points. Translation: we get instantly dumb. He told us recent studies indicated that negative, fearful and hateful thoughts cause us to operate from the primitive portions of our brain. On the other hand, he told us positive, hopeful and loving thoughts originate from the portion of our brain that allows us to use our higher level thinking and reasoning skills. In other words, when we are having negative, fearful or hateful thoughts we would be wise to replace them quickly before we do something really stupid.

For example, once while I was loading dirty laundry into the washing machine, my husband walked up behind me and said, “Jan, if water starts squirting everywhere, turn this knob.” Then he carefully demonstrated where and how to turn off the water. Well, several months later I was at the kitchen sink washing dishes when water suddenly sprayed everywhere. I was startled and scared. I immediately ran over to the washing machine, reached up and turned the knob. Yet when I turned back and looked into the kitchen, water was still squirting everywhere. Because I was scared, I was not using my higher level thinking skills. I told myself to calm down and take deep breath.

Let’s see, I thought. If I can turn off the water with a knob next to the washing machine, maybe there is a knob next to the kitchen sink.

I walked back into the kitchen, opened the cabinet below the sink and sure enough, there was a knob attached to a pipe down there. I reached inside and turned it. It worked! The water quit squirting. I was so proud of myself.

Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life!

The Power of Positive Thinking

So much of how we feel and behave originates with how we think. A keen awareness of what we’re thinking about is vital to our happiness. After we are aware of our thoughts, it is important to label them. Because we can only think one thought at a time, we can choose to replace negative, fearful and unloving thoughts with positive, courageous and loving ones. Our minds are incredibly powerful. We actually create our personal reality.


For example, the first time I attended my one and only prenatal class, the instructor told me if I breathed correctly during childbirth – it wouldn’t hurt. I believed him. A few days later my husband raced me to the hospital in the middle of the night because I’d sprung a leak. I sloshed up to labor and delivery where I found a nurse who ordered my husband to go back downstairs to check me in. Then she fired questions at me like a drill sergeant.

“Could I sit down, please?” I sheepishly asked.

Only slightly concerned, the nurse raised one eyebrow, told me to lie down then checked me.

“Oh my ______!” she screamed. “I’ve got to get a doctor!” (Screaming is not a reassuring thing to a woman in labor for the first time. Neither is cursing.) “Don’t push!” the nurse yelled excitedly as she dashed out the door. “Don’t push!”

Push what? I thought. I don’t want to push anything. I don’t feel so well.

A few moments later, a sleepy-eyed doctor dragged into the room, checked me and instantly ordered, “Don’t push!” He threw on some gloves, skidded to the foot of my bed and lunged toward me just in time to catch. Then my husband arrived, looking vaguely like a man from another planet in a white space suit.

“It’s a girl!” the doctor announced.

“Can I push now?” I asked the nurse.

“Push what?” she answered.

Why am I telling you this story? Because - this was my first experience with childbirth and I didn’t know I’d gone through the most difficult part of labor called transition on my ride to the hospital and that our baby was falling out. I thought I was experiencing the easy stuff and I had hours to go before I got to the hard stuff. The instructor at the prenatal class told me my first labor would be my longest – at least twelve hours. Because I had only attended one childbirth class, I didn’t know what was happening to me. My body and emotions were responding to what I thought was happening.

It works the same way in life. How we think about what is happening to us becomes what is happening to us. Thought control doesn’t necessarily take away the pain, but it helps us abide in all circumstances with a greater sense of calm. Like my doctor and nurse kept telling me – don’t push. We don’t have to push or force anything. We just have to be still and know God is in charge.

Back to Basics

I'm a member of a Stake Relief Society Presidency in Spanish Fork and we've organized a Back to Basics Event for this Saturday . . . that's tomorrow!  The event will be held at the Spanish Fork Palmyra Stake Center from 9:00 to 12:00.

We will be having classes and presentations on spiritual self-reliance, money management, getting out of debt, cooking with basic food storage items along with service and volunteer opportunities in the community.

We are also having the women who attend bring gently used books, toys and clothing to donate or swap. 

We'll also have humanitarian aid ideas and displays.

We're having fresh whole wheat bread with honeybutter or jam toppings for refreshments.

Any one who is interested is welcome to attend.

For a Great Night Out Consider This

I'm playing in a terrific concert next week! 

If you're looking for a great night out . . .  you might want to consider this evening of orchestra music at the American Fork High School.

The American Fork Symphony and BYU's New Horizon Orchestra are teaming up to present a great concert on Wednesday February 24 at 7:30.

Hope to see you there.

(American Fork High School:  510 N. 600 E.)

Happy Valentines Day Sweetheart

Dear Ross,
Happy Valentines Day sweetheart. I’ve been thinking about all the reasons I love you. I remember getting to know you in high school. I remember staying after school for yearbook and having you stop by after football practice. I remember feeling a tap on my shoulder and finding you on the opposite side grinning while I walked down the hall. I remember observing how kind you were to everyone. You didn’t know it but your peers looked up to you as a leader and friend. That is why they elected you student body president when you didn’t even run.

I remember how handsome and masculine I thought you were and how I admired your ability to be the total package . . . spiritual, academic, athletic, fun and kind. The first time you asked me out I was SO excited. On our first date I remember feeling warmly comfortable with you. I liked the way you weren’t concerned with what other thought of us and how much fun we had being goofy.

I remember our dates . . . mostly up in the canyons hiking around and enjoying the outdoors. I remember starting BYU together and the way you would walk me to devotionals. I remember the dances we went to and how it felt to have you hold me in your arms. I remember standing on my tip-toes when we hugged each other. I remember our first tender kiss the night before you left on your mission and the dozen red roses I received that night after you left when I was home alone feeling sad. I remember praying about our relationship many times and the resulting feelings of peace.

I remember two years of writing to each other EVERY week while you were in Samoa. I think we both grew in maturity and wisdom during those years. I remember wondering how we would feel about each other when you got home. Then one day after you returned we were driving in the truck together and I felt this overwhelming feeling of comfort and joy and I knew that you were the one for me.

We were just two naïve kids that didn’t know anything but that we loved each other . . . and so we joined our hands, our hearts, our lives and our destiny. Can you believe what a wonderful life we’ve had together? I had no idea there was so much love in the whole world. I don’t think we had any idea what was in store for us. God blessed our union with ten absolutely awesome children and now their spouses and our grandchildren.

I love being your wife. You are the perfect husband for me. I love your quiet acts of service. I love snuggling with you. I love the way you walk and talk. I love seeing your face come through the door at night after a hard day of work and the way you always give me a hug and kiss. I love kneeling at our bed each night and praying together. I love watching you get silly and play with our children and grandchildren. I love watching you work in the yard and the way you’ve made our two acres a piece of heaven on earth.

I respect your honesty and integrity. I love your sense of humor and your playful side that likes to tease and laugh. I love to see what your hands build and your heart embraces. You have a brilliant mind, a masculine body, a kind and gentle soul and my total heart forever. I look forward to the rest of our grand adventure together. You are my cherished friend and dearest love.

I love you.

Jan

Happy Birthday Emma

This is a poem I wrote for
my granddaughter Emma
on her 2nd birthday.

Happy Birthday Emma! 

Grandma Baadsgaard loves you
very, very much.

Emma and Jez

Once there was a girl named Emma
Who lived with a dog named Jez
Whenever she took her shoes off

Jez licked her toes to death

When Emma wanted quiet time
Jez thought she’d rather play

When Emma hugged her stuffed whale

Jez bit the fish and took it away.

Living with a puppy is hard work

When you are the ripe old age of two

Your cheeks are soft and pudgy

But dogs cover your face with goo

The one good thing about dogs

Is they eat what you throw on the floor

Then mother doesn’t see it

And make you eat some more

And when you feel your eyes roll

And you need your daily nap

There is always a fluffy pillow

With a puppy in your lap

A Few Thoughts Just For Mothers

*You don't have to be wise or wonderful all the time.  You don't have to know all the answers.  You don't always have to know the right thing to do.  You don't have to be strong all the time.  You just have to pray a lot.

*Children don't see the world as it is.  They see the world as they are.  So do you.

*Learn the difference between what you can actually do something about and everything you are concerned about.

*Don't worry so much about how your children will turn out.  Be more concerned with your ability to love your children and inspire them.

*You can't control your children.  You can only control yourself.

* People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

A Mom's Letter To A Thirteen-Year-Old Son

Dear John,

You’re thirteen years old today. You are now an adolescent . . . better known as a teenager. You already know about the physical changes occurring in your body as you grow into manhood. You know what it’s like to attend junior high and deal with multiple teachers and classes. You’ve been on Boy Scout over-night camp outs in snow caves. You know your voice is changing and that you grow out of your pants every couple of months. But here are ten things you might not know.


First, times of transition are an on-going part of life. Every single person who has ever lived to adulthood is going through what you are going through right now. So, on those days when you feel awkward and insecure always remember that you have the whole human race for company. Every person you see walking down the hall at school is feeling the same way . . . especially the ones who don’t show it.

Second, worry more about the kind of person you are on the inside than what you look like on the outside. No matter what tricks your hormones play on you at present, they even out and all the things you’re self conscious about will disappear like a bad dream. While your body is morphing into adult form, be patient with all the changes and be especially kind to those around you who are dealing with their own insecurities.

Third, don’t let anyone make you feel incompetent, useless or hopeless. It doesn’t matter if you can perform every single feat your P.E. teacher requires. You will become a wonderful adult even if you never passed off a perfect cartwheel or did the required number of pull-ups. Teachers who fill your short stories, poems and essays with red marks aren’t the final authority on your writing abilities. They are just tired, underpaid people with one opinion – their own. Your peers will point out your faults. Don’t reciprocate. Point out their strengths.

Fourth, don’t be afraid to be your unique self . . . even if you don’t fit the popular norm of your peers. Being able to stuff a basketball is great but so is figuring out a difficult algebra equation. Winning an election is nice but so is helping a peer with a learning disability. Being asked to a dance is fun but so is inviting several friends who weren’t asked over to your house and showing them a good time. Everyone has a unique gift that can bless the world. Discover your gift and share it.

Fifth, shake off the tendency to compare and compete with those around you. Celebrate other’s efforts and abilities as you would your own. We need people who fix cars as much as those who fix our nuclear power plants. We need those who compose a symphony no more that we need those who grow our food. We need those who work in factories as much as we need those who run the company. It takes a wide variety of competencies to run this old world. Never let money be your measure of success.

Sixth, give what you want to receive. If you want to feel important, find ways to help others feel appreciated for their efforts. If you want to feel rich, give your material possessions away. It you want to feel happy, give your time and attention to others with unmet needs. If you want to be at peace, be honest with yourself and others. You will be tempted to hoard and acquire. Don’t. Use everything God gives you to bless the lives of as many people as possible.

Seventh, if you want to excel at something remember it takes more than intelligence or talent . . . it takes persistence and thousands of hours of hard work. Don’t give up right before you get over the hump. If you want to do something well like play the piano, write a book, start a business, compose an opera or create a loving family – you will be tempted to quit when the going gets tough. Don’t ever give up. You never see the other side of the mountain if you give up before you reach the top.

Eighth, don’t be afraid to be alone. It is nice to have people like you, but it is even better to like yourself. The only person you will never lose or leave . . . is you. You will be tempted to go along with the crowd when an inner voice says no. Listen to that inner voice. There will be times when you must be physically alone in order to keep your self respect. Remember you are not ever spiritually alone.

Ninth, remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You will have people enter your life who will manipulate, control, take advantage of, belittle or threaten you. You must be your own best friend and decide today that you will only remain in relationships if they are safe and uplifting. Don’t be afraid to move on. There are healthy, caring people in the world waiting for your love and you will find them.

Tenth, remember that everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. When you hurt someone, don’t justify your actions. Ask for forgiveness and then don’t do it again. If you see people hurting others you must have the courage to do something about it. Though you may live in a society that exalts some people over others, treat all men with dignity and honor. Each person is a son or daughter of God and has a divine potential. Don’t confuse their actions with their intrinsic worth.

Finally, please know that no matter where you go or what you do, I will always love you because you’re you. I’ll always be your biggest and most devoted fan.

Love, Mom

Happy Birthday Amy

My daughter Amy has a birthday this week.  Looking back over my years with her brings me such peace and joy.

Dear Amy,


Happy Birthday, my precious daughter Amy. I hope you have a wonderful day knowing how dearly you are loved and adored by your mother. You have a unique and singular place in my heart.

When it’s your birthday I like to focus my thoughts on you and think about our years together. Even before you were born I used to talk to you and rub my tummy. I remember carefully selecting your name, getting your room ready and making a baby quilt for you with red and white hearts. I was so overcome with peace and joy when I first held you in my arms and knew you were alive and well. Your older brothers and sisters thought you were the best thing that ever happened to our family when I brought you home. Someone was always excited to hold you and love you.

It has been a joy to watch you grow up, develop your talents and grow into the woman you are today. I see you becoming all that God intended. You have a queenly presence about you – a stately dignified aura. You don’t demand front and center attention but when you speak I listen because you always have something wise or insightful to share.

I notice the way you find the one person in a crowd that needs a little extra special attention. I notice how kind and gentle you are with young children. I notice your Christ-like nature as you kneel down and give those you love a foot rub and your unhurried undivided attention. You have the ability to get out-side your self and see the unspoken needs of those around you. Thank you for noticing and responding to my unspoken needs.

I see you becoming a confident professional as you work toward your degree in special education. I’ve seen you face and overcome your fears one by one. I’ve seen you develop your skills and abilities with persistence and courage. You don’t give up when things are difficult, but keep working hard each day until your dreams are fulfilled.

I think you found the perfect companion in Aden. You are both such a joy to me. I love to talk to both of you for hours. I always prayed you would find someone who would honor and respect your gentle nature and kind soul. I think you bring out the best in each other.

Our family will always be better because you insisted that we hug, kiss and say “I love you,” every single time we left the house or came back. I love your hugs and the way your eyes sparkle when you smile. I love your quiet laugh, your attention to detail and the music of heaven you bring into my life when you play the harp.

I don’t think you know how stunningly beautiful you are. I don’t think you know how intelligent or wise you are. I don’t think you know how approachable and warm you are. I don’t think you know that every single time to see your face coming through the front door or think about you in my mind I feel all warm inside and full of ardent gratitude to God for the gift of you in my life.

I absolutely love being your mother. You are sunshine to my soul. I look forward to many, many more years of making wonderful memories together.

I love you Amy, with all my heart.

MOM

Amy Growing Up

Joshua and the Awesome Principal

This is a special story written for my
famous, cool, superior, exceptional genius grandson Joshua
on his tenth birthday.
I love you Josh.



One day Josh woke up with a tight knot in his stomach. His regular teacher at school would be gone that day and a substitute was going to teach his class. Josh never knew what to expect when a substitute came because there was a nice substitute and a mean substitute. The nice one let the children party all day but the mean one took great pleasure in making the students into robot zombies. Sometimes Josh wondered if the mean one was an alien because she was always rolling her eyes and looking up at the ceiling. Josh decided to fake being sick that morning but his mother didn’t fall for it.
While he was walking into school Josh tried to get his mind off his impending doom by asking himself his favorite question: If a long range laser guided thermal nuclear heat-seeking missile hit your house, would you rather die by the explosion or the house caving in and crushing you? Next he thought about how to convince the principal that homework should be illegal because homework is forced payless work and forced payless work is called slavery and slavery was banned years ago.
When Josh arrived at his classroom his worst fears were confirmed. The mean substitute greeted him with, “Take your seat young man. Feet flat on the floor, eyes forward and mouth shut.”
Josh knew this would be the worst day of his life. First the substitute made all the students do pull-ups and push-ups in the gym. Then she made them all use the restroom and wash their hands. Next she had them start on ninety-six long division problems with remainders. But when she started a lecture about space travel including black holes, super novas and pulsars, Josh sat up straight and listened with both ears. Just for a minute he imagined himself floating weightless in space.
That is when the mean substitute asked Josh a question. Josh didn’t notice. Then she suddenly appeared at his desk.
“Well, young man,” the substitute asked.
“Well what?” Josh said.
“That is precisely the point. You don’t know what I asked you because you weren’t listening,” the mean substitute answered.
“You don’t know what I was imagining because you didn’t ask,” Josh answered.
The mean substitute rolled her eyes, looked at the ceiling then took him to the principal’s office.
“Yes?” the principal asked as Josh entered his room.
“I was imagining instead of listening,” Josh said.
“What were you imagining?”
“What it would be like to be floating in space.”
Can you keep a secret?” the principal said.
“Yes,” Josh answered.
Then the principal opened the closet door in her office and took Josh by the hand.
“This is my anything-you-can-imagine closet,” the principal whispered. “If you can imagine, it can happen.”
Before Josh knew what was happening the closet door closed behind them he was floating in space with the principal. They did superior cartwheels, exceptional back flips and daring nose dives.
“This is awesome,” Josh said. “Do the other kids at school know about this?”
The principal smiled, winked then told Josh it was time to go back to class.
“Your substitute may be harsh at times,” the principal said as she closed the closet door behind them, “but when she was a little girl she used to imagine living in a world made entirely of chocolate. Here, you take this chocolate candy bar to her. See what happens.”
Josh walked back to his class and noticed all the other students had left for recess. He walked up to the substitute and handed her the giant chocolate bar.
“How did you know that was my favorite?” the substitute asked. Then she sighed, leaned back in her chair and carefully unwrapped the foil. “I used to imagine living in a world where everything was made out of chocolate.” She took a bite, licked her lips and smiled. “By the way what were you imagining?”
“That I was Inderfurnius X the legendary, famous, cool, superior, exceptional genius space boy of the universe blasting off to the moon while eating doughnuts.”
“If I close my eyes, I can almost see you,” the substitute said. “Your spacesuit is silver with a crimson red light-saber blazing across the front and the doughnut is filled with rich milk chocolate.”
Josh squeezed his eyes together imagining the substitute as a little girl in the principal’s office with chocolate smeared on her face. Then the nice substitute broke off an enormously large hunk of chocolate from her giant candy bar and handed it to Josh.
Maybe this isn’t going to be such a bad day after all, Josh thought. Not such a bad day at all.