Celebrating Caleb's Birthday

The greatest gift I ever received on my birthday was my grandson Caleb. This year we celebrated his brief but meaningful life with my daughter April's family on January 6th. First we gathered at his grave site. When we arrived we discovered that several treasured family friends had been there before us to leave a token of their love and remembrance. As we opened our hands and watched the balloons soar up into the evening sky, we each whispered our love and promise to keep spreading his message of peace, love and joy to those around us.
Then we left the cemetery and gathered around the Moody family table for a warm dinner and birthday cake complete with song and candles. Then Caleb gave each of his brothers the gift of tickets to a family outing for all of them to enjoy together.
After dinner we watched the video we made of his life for his funeral and also a video my son John made where each grandparent and brother and sister was filmed sharing their favorite memories of Caleb. The music and pictures of Caleb on the video made it feel like he was with us again.
Happy Birthday Caleb! I love you and miss you.
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THE QUALITY OF LIFE



My grandson Caleb lived for seven years.
He taught us all what quality of life really means.
April and Dallan Moody are pictured here next to their son Caleb's grave.
They lovingly cared for him with joy and gratitude.

THE QUALITY OF LIFE
Years ago my obstetrician called me at home to educate me on the laboratory results of a blood test he’d ordered earlier.
“At your age, your chances of having a baby with severe genetic defects are one in twenty-two,” the doctor said. “After the blood test, your chances are one in two. You have a fifty-fifty chance of having a child with serious problems. Do you still want to continue this pregnancy?”
“Of course,” I answered.
“I can order an amniocentesis to confirm,” he offered.
“No,” I answered. “The results won’t change my choice to have this child.”
“Well, it’s your decision,” the doctor answered. “But remember this choice will negatively affect the quality of life not just for you - but your whole family.”
After I hung up, I felt stunned, unsure how to feel. So I cried. My two-year-old saw my tears and asked me why. It was difficult to find words to explain.
“The baby inside Mommy might be different, I finally answered.
“What’s different?” he asked.
“Different means the baby might not be the same as you and me.”
“Different isn’t sad Mommy,” my young son said.
He was right. I stopped crying.
When I told my husband about the doctor’s report he said, “What ever shape our baby’s in, she’ll still be our little girl and we’ll love her and take good care of her.”
My daughter Alisa was born a few months after my doctor’s phone call . . . perfectly healthy. Will she have challenges during her life time? Yes - we all do.
 
A few years later, the doctors kept urging my daughter April to consider her son Caleb’s quality of life and her own and to reconsider her decision to actively pursue urgent medical care because her son was born without a brain.
“They are not able to grasp what a privilege Caleb is and how immensely he is loved and adored,” my daughter said to me after one long tiring day in the hospital. “Today I met with several doctors and told them our family story. When I finished, they were all in tears. I explained how Caleb is surrounded by love and how our family’s quality of life has been richly blessed by his presence."
 
Every parent takes a life-altering chance each time they conceive a child; but the chance is not between having a “normal” child and one with “problems”. Every child will have challenges - be they physical, emotional, social, mental or spiritual. Each parent is given the soul altering privilege to learn the true meaning of devotion in the midst of those challenges. That deeply personal choice is what creates quality of life. The chance is really a choice - to love - whatever the chances.

My daughter Alisa is now 13 years old and such a blessing to our family.

 

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WINKING Is A Secret Code For Love

"WINKING" IS SECRET CODE IN MY FAMILY
In my family we have a secret code to communicate our love for each other. We wink.

For example, when one of us is about... to perform or speak, we look for a family member’s face in the crowd. Then we wink at each other. Closing one eye and winking is our secret code for saying, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

When my grandson Caleb was born into our family. He must have known before birth that he would never be able to speak to us because he was born with one eyelid permanently closed. So, he was always “winking” at us, always communicating, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”
Caleb had one eye lid permanently closed because he is missing one of his eyes . . . he is also missing his brain. All the doctors said he would die soon after birth. They were wrong. He was a medical miracle. The doctors said he couldn’t see, hear, speak, think or move. Those who knew and loved Caleb understood he had his own unique way of experiencing the world and communicating his love to those around him.
After Caleb was born the hospice people told us to buy a burial plot and continually warned us of his imminent death. We soon learned you can not live well in a state of fear. We decided we could spend Caleb’s entire life anxious and scared he might die at any moment, or we could celebrate each day we were blessed to have him with us. In the beginning, my daughter April celebrated Caleb’s birthday every week instead of every year with balloons and cupcakes because we simply did not know how long we would have him with us. We stopped the cupcakes after we gained ten pounds, but the celebrating went on.
We all prayed for a miracle when we first learned about Caleb’s condition. We got one. Caleb’s birth, life and mission had a deep and lasting impact on our lives. His spirit, eternal identity and most of all the loving, individual relationship he had with each of us was truly a miracle. Because of Caleb we know that each of us has a divine purpose and that the physical body is a sacred gift we should never take for granted. We better understand the worth of a soul and the resiliency of the human spirit.
Caleb’s older brother Matthew said, “Grandma. The doctors said Caleb was going to die, but he didn’t. That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”
Sometimes the only intervention that could get Caleb’s heart rate up was when his older brothers Josh and Matty crawled in his crib, hugged him and sang, “I am a Child of God.”

Caleb's life mattered.

People in my daughter's neighborhood often knocked on her door and asked if they can spend time with Caleb. Why? Being with Caleb gave people peace and joy. Every time I was with Caleb I felt a little closer to heaven. In a busy world Caleb invited us to slow down and listen. Caleb communicated soul to soul. You couldn't hear what he had to say if you don't stop and listen with your heart.

Caleb was our "wink" from heaven. Our family's tradition of winking at each other to show our love, appreciation and confidence is now spreading around the world. Please join us in our effort to keep Caleb's mission alive. Even though Caleb was never able to utter a single word he taught us all how to love.
So the next time you're having a bad day, remember Caleb and our family's secret code. Then look in the mirror or at the next person you meet . . . and "wink". You are loved. You are wonderful. You can do it.Pin It

You Are Valuable Because You Are You

I've noticed that when we are meeting someone for the first time we often ask, "What do you do?" It is a common question for most of us are curious about other's occupations.

I've also observed that as my children were growing up many people asked them, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" referring to what career they will choose. Prestige and the ability to earn money are often the result of what we choose to do.

So we grow into adults who focus almost entirely on what we do to feel good about ourselves. If we don't do enough during the day, we feel lazy. If we don't choose the right career or if we do something wrong, we fill our hearts with regret or guilt. More and more we learn to focus the camera lens of our lives on what we do.

The other day I was speaking with someone about my grandson Caleb. When people find out Caleb was born without a brain they often stand in stunned silence. Then they always ask, "What can he do?"

I know the question is innocent and I am not offended but I can't help thinking that they are missing the point. Caleb might not have a brain but he has a heart and soul. If I go through the usual list of important achievements in life, Caleb may not fit the bill. But I always long to explain that it is not what Caleb can do that defines him.

And sometimes the person I'm talking to persists with detailed questions like . . .
"Can he see?"
"Can he move?"
"Can he hear?"
"Can he speak?"
"Can he eat?"
"Can he breathe?"
"Can he think?"

And though the questions are innocent they often leave this impression . . .
"Well if he can't he do anything, I feel so sorry for him and for you. If he can't do anything - what purpose can his life possibly have?"

Because our family was blessed to have Caleb in our lives for seven years we learned that what makes someone valuable is not what they do but who they are. Though Caleb's body made it almost impossible for him to do much of anything in a physical sense, his presence was enough for us. His divine and noble spirit was alive and well inside a body with severe physical limitations yet enhanced spiritual abilities. Caleb spoke to us without language getting in the way. He loved us and we loved him. His soul could light up a whole room.

So the next time you see someone like my grandson Caleb do not ask their family members what they can do. Do not feel sorry for them. Instead say, "Tell me about your child."

And the next time you are thinking dark thoughts about self or others because of something you or they did of failed to do . . . stop.

Allow yourself to feel the love of God. You are not valuable to God or those around you because of what you do or don't do. You are valuable because you are you.

Your existence - your presence - is enough.


And perhaps when we talk to youth we might ask, "Who do you want to be when you grow up?" For it is our inner qualities, like compassion, patience, gentleness, meekness, and love that are the true measures of a meaningful life.Pin It

CALEB'S THANK YOU LETTERS TO HIS FAMILY

I felt prompted to help my grandson Caleb
write these letters to his family
on his 7th birthday.
He died unexpectedly a few weeks later.

Dear Mother,

Many years ago you went in for an ultrasound very early in your pregnancy. You found out that I was a boy . . . and you also found out that I was missing my brain. When the medical professionals told you that I had no chance of survival and recommended an abortion - thank you for having the courage to listen to your heart and not your fears. When they told you I would have no quality of life and that I would ruin your family’s quality of life, thank you for choosing to discover what quality of life really means. When they told you I was missing an eye, thank you for choosing to see me as your precious son and not what the doctor called me (not viable - not conpatible with life). When further tests revealed that my entire head had not formed correctly and that my cleft-plate, partially formed nose and multiple missing cranial structures would make eating and breathing in a usual way impossible, thank you for choosing not to despair, but to devote yourself cheerfully and gratefully to my 24-hour care. When the doctors told you to take me home, buy a burial plot and let me die, thank you for choosing to fight for my life and celebrate each day I was in your home.

These past seven years have brought multiple hospitalizations and near death emergencies. We’ve spent a lot of time in hospital, you and me. Thank you for always being there right beside me when each individual breath was painful, labored and exhausting. I’ve heard your every prayer, every heart-felt longing and each exhausted plea to God. And though I’ve never been able to speak a word or raise my arms to embrace you, never doubt how much I love you my precious mother. There is a love deeper than life and broader than time between you and me, an eternal bond that time and circumstance will never break.

I am so grateful that you have chosen to live the past seven years with joy, not sorrow – that my presence was and is enough for you. The world defines us by what we can do. Thank you for choosing to define me by who I am. There will be a day, beyond this life, when I will be able to say all the things I never said, but I have a feeling you already know. When two hearts are knit together, there is often no need for words.

I was born in the winter, a time of waiting before the spring. Always remember that winter’s promise is the hope of spring. There will be a day when the time of waiting is over and all that was lost will be reborn.

I love you mom.

Caleb

Dear Father,

I know you and mom stay up late every night with me so my medication can take effect and also to have some special snuggle time with me. You and Mom usually tuck me into bed around midnight, but it usually isn't long until my alarms start beeping, I need suctioning, a diaper change or more medicine. A few nights a week I have a night nurse who sits with me from 12-6 so you and mom can get some sleep. But on the other nights, it is you and me Dad. You are always there with me when I need you in the night. Those late night hours when it is just you and me mean everything to me. In this life I will never be able play catch, or even speak or hug you. But I know that when fathers love their sons, they love them in the way they need to be loved. With us it is g-tubes, respirators and diapers.

You are always there with me when I need you in the day also. Dad, thank you for going to work every day at BYU so that all of us have everything we need.

Dad, I want you to know about something you may not see. When fathers love their sons like you love me, the powers of heaven open. There are angels around you every night, lifting your arms when you are too tired and keeping you awake when every cell in your body screams for sleep. I am aware of and grateful for every time you turn me, change my diaper, suction me then hug me and kiss me. You never complain, and though I can’t respond when you talk to me, I hear you Dad. I hear every word, spoken or unspoken, every desire, and every prayer to God in my behalf.

I also love the way you tease me like Dad’s do. Like the way you call me One-eye and let me dress up as the one-eyed pirate on Halloween.

I love the way take me everywhere and proudly tell people I am your son. When you come into my room at night I always proudly tell the angels that you are my father.

I love you Dad.

Caleb

Dear Brothers,

Josh, Matty and Mitch - I’m so happy that you are my brothers. You always take time every day to include me and make me an important part of the Moody boy’s story.

I remember when you used to crawl in in crib when I was a baby and sing “I am a child of God” when my heart rate was getting too slow. You always brought me toys and even though I couldn’t play with them the way you do, I imagined myself playing with them and it was still fun.

I love it when you hug and kiss me and tell me about your day. Even though I can’t raise my arms to hug you back, I love the way you lift my arms around your neck and put your cheek next to my lips.

When you talk to me I can’t answer you with my mouth in words, but I hear you listening to me with your heart. When you’re listening that way you can hear me telling you, “I love you Josh.” “I love you Matty.” “I love you Mitchell.” Thank you for helping mom during the day when I need to be turned or suctioned. That is such a nice way to tell me you love me back.

Don’t worry about my eye that is missing. When I was in heaven, I knew the Baadsgaard secret code for telling each other “I love you, you’re wonderful, and you can do it!” It was a wink. I knew that I would never be able to speak to you with words in this life, so I thought of a plan. That is why I chose to come as your brother winking so that you would always know that I love you and believe in you. Thank you for believing in me – believing that I am still your brother inside this body – even though I can’t move, or see or hear or think the way you do. Thank you for believing that even though I’m missing my brain, I’m not missing my heart and soul. Thank you for believing that we will always be one of the Moody boys and we’ll always love each other forever.

I love you Joshua.

I love you Mathew

I love you Mitchell.

Caleb
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Celebrating Life - with my grandson Caleb

My daughter April was asked to share her story of celebrating life here.

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Say "I love you," with a WINK

My daughter April has started a new tradition in her family. She calls it their "wink" day. She was looking for a way to honor her son Caleb's life. Caleb is her seven-year-old son who recently passed away. April and her family go to Caleb's grave site once a month with their journal in hand. Then they write down a way they can love someone. Caleb brought so much love into their family that she wants to keep it going.

In case you didn't know, Caleb was born without one of his eyes. He had one eyelid permanently closed with cute little eye-lashes. So he was always "winking" at us. This meant a lot to us because in our family winking was our secret code for saying "I love you," when we were out in public.

Caleb was also born without a brain so he was never able to say, "I love you with words." But he knew our secret code - so he was always saying, "I love you."

Now whenever the Moody family goes on a trip, they take large cards with the letters W I N K so they can always take their brother and his message alone with them. Caleb's nurse even brought along the WINK letters on her recent cruise.

So if you're lonely of sad, create your own WINK day. Remember Caleb - then find someone who needs your love.
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Life and Death - a personal journey

 In the past few days I have been present when my grandson Caleb died and my granddaughter Lily was born. Now I know through personal experience that our entrance and exit from this stage called life is sacred - a holy baptism of raw pain and transforming joy.

Death

I watch as the monitors in the hospital room flash Caleb’s vital signs.
Glowing numbers appear and disappear - lower and slower.

The lights go out.

“Don’t leave me,” Mathew sobs while he holds his dead brother in his arms. “You’re my best friend.”

Can’t hold on to life.
Can’t protect my loved ones from this exquisite pain.

“Oh God, please help us.”

All we can do is cling to each other.

Grief – a giant wave washes over us – we can’t breathe.

Cold and trembling on the shore.

I see my daughter’s eyes.

Another wave.

“It was such a privilege to be your mother,” April whispers gently kissing Caleb and pulling a soft yellow blanket around his shoulders.

Another wave.

Holding Mitchell’s tiny hand while we walk from the hospital.

“I wish Caleb could come alive again,” Mitchell says.

“Me too,” I answer.

Birth.

My daughter Ashley calls in the night.


“Mom, my water just broke. Can you be with me?”

Another wave.

Hospital again.

Monitor flashes Ashley’s vital signs.
Labor contractions crest and fall.
Minutes tick by as the waves gradually get closer and closer,
the pain - stronger and stronger until she can bear it no longer.

Ashley cries out in pain.

Another wave.

I cannot protect my loved one from this exquisite pain. All we can do was cling to each other.

"Oh God please help us."

“Push!” I promise. “Push through the pain. Lily is almost here. You can do it.”

Father's trembling hands reach out and grasp his newborn daughter.


Lily in her mother's arms. 

Exquisite joy.

Birth and death.

Light and dark.

Joy and sorrow.

We can’t have one without the other.

Tonight I stepped into my back yard near sunset.

Snow beneath my feet, bare limbs of trees, grey skies stare in silence.

Death is here.

Yet as I turned the corner, I saw the first green spears of dormant flowers slicing through the frozen soil.

Caleb is near.

Lily is here.

Cycle of living, season of song, embraces and whispers,

“Life goes on.”

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Images from Caleb's funeral

These photos were taken by my daughter Arianne

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An Interview with my daughter April about her son Caleb

Referring to the hours and days right after his birth...


"It was in those moments when I was all by myself in the room not knowing if I was going to have a baby the next day or what the next days were going to bring. I was just so heavy inside. … I really am a light person inside [and] to feel that much anguish was really overwhelming to me because it was the first time in my whole life that I can say that I was honestly just anguishing in my heart, I was really really sad.

I remember telling my mom on the phone that night when she called to check on me that every single cell in my body was sad. It didn’t matter to me if he had a perfect body it didn’t matter if he was going to require a lot of care, I just wanted my son, I wanted him close to me.

After I hung up from my mom, who I’m closer to than almost anyone in the world, I remember thinking, "There’s nobody in the whole world who knows what I’m feeling right now, even the people that love me the very most don’t know how much I’m hurting inside; it’s too big."

An hour later a friend in the ward called me and said, "I thought you might want to know what was said in the prayer in sacrament meeting today..."

A gentleman in the ward had been praying over the pulpit and he asked Heavenly Father to comfort us because He knew what it was like to lose a son. Just hearing that touched my heart so deeply-to be flooded with that realization that He knew, He knew what I was going through because He had lost a son for all of our sake. I remember feeling like my burden could be shared with somebody because He knew. As I was thinking about that that night I was also overcome with the realization that it wasn’t just my Heavenly Father who knew but also my older brother, that son who knew. I have such a vivid picture in my mind of the Savior in the garden having a personal moment for me in Caleb’s story.

I realized the power of the atonement at that time wasn’t just for sin, not just for mistakes, not for our disappointments and our worries - all of those things, but also for our heartaches, the things that make us sad. That’s the first time that I really realized that the atonement isn’t just the sadness that we feel for our sins and our mistakes, but it is for our worries, and our heartaches, and our despairing and anguishing moments. That brought me comfort to know that I had my Older Brother on one side and my Father on the other side that knew exactly how I felt and that was enough. It was enough to know that somebody knew how I was feeling.

How does your sense of the eternities effect your understanding of what goes on beyond this life? How do your beliefs support you?

My testimony has deepened in the atonement and in the love of our Father in Heaven and in the Savior in knowing that with certainty that our Savior has overcome death. So on those days that I feel worried, 'what if Caleb dies, and how will I be if I can’t have him here with me on the earth because I love him so much,' I am so grateful for the knowledge that death is not the end and the Savior Jesus Christ has overcome death and that is joyful. I’m so grateful know that though Him my family can be together forever. And for me that’s not just a nice statement to put on my wall or embroider on a pillowcase, but it really is at the core of my testimony; through him our families can be together forever. That’s a big part of our life here on the earth.

[I'm] thankful to have the knowledge that Caleb is tied to us eternally. Through the Savior his physical challenges will be healed and he will have all of the wonderful opportunities that we all have to have a body that works the right way and to feel joy in that way.

I have never felt that in Caleb’s experience on the earth that he feels sad about his body. I know that he is joyful to have a body even though it has challenges and some things about his body don’t work quite the same way our bodies do. I’ve never felt that I should be sad about that. I love to take care of that sweet little body. I just think that he is so beautiful.

I have always felt really secure that this is a part of our family’s eternal story. That Caleb coming to our family with his sweet little body is a part of our eternal story as a family and that it is significant for our family. It is a blessing for our family and that the tender parts that come with it; contemplating if we’ll have to mourn Caleb at some time or if we’ll have to be missing him sooner than we would have hoped.

We really really felt joyful that Caleb coming the way he came is a part of our family story. Even though there are sad parts that come in mortality, ultimately the big picture for are family are joyful. The parts that are sad are just limited to mortality.

It’s easy to take life for granted until you’re really faced how fragile life can be.

Realizing how precious every minute is has made every minute count for me. Caleb has taught me to find joy in every day. Caleb radiates with love and light. Even though he can’t speak with words his little spirit just speaks volumes about what it means to love.

My favorite moments with Caleb are quiet moments in our rocking chair together. When I’m holding him on my lap I just feel like we have the best conversations, we don’t even ever use words. It makes me think that that’s how we must speak to each other in heaven because it’s just a pure communication that’s heart to heart. It doesn’t get confused, it doesn’t get limited in language, it’s just straight from the heart.

Something that really stands out in my mind is that in those first few weeks that we were at home with him we really tried to be positive and cheerful and hopeful. Even though doctors were telling us the worst we still never wanted to not be hopeful.

It’s never living in denial to live a hopeful life.

The medical world would look at me and think that I was a mother in denial but I was just a mother that was choosing hope.

What would you miss most about Caleb…

His presence. His presence and the essence of who he is; the spirit that he has with him. There are also little Mom things that I would miss; the power of his spirit, the essence of who he is, and the sweetness of heaven that comes with him. I have a reassurance in my heart that because Caleb is a part of our eternal family that if he weren’t with us Heavenly Father would still allow his essence to be with us and his spirit to shine for us.

When he gives you something extra tender he also blesses you with some really tender mercies.

He knew what He was asking, because He knows what it’s like to lose a son He doesn’t ask it lightly.

Heavenly Father understands that loss is one of the hardest things on the earth.

Even having an eternal perspective we still anguish over losing the people that we love.

We are all going to experience that at some point in our lives; whether it’s as a mother losing your children or losing your mother. I know that Heavenly Father knows that that’s one of the hardest things he asks of us during mortality. I have peace in my heart know that if He knows that that of course during that time He will be there.













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Celebrating Caleb's Life

Caleb Joseph Moody died on February 10th, 2012,

at Primary Children's Hospital due to complications from pneumonia.

Caleb was born January 6th 2005,

to Dallan Richard Moody

and

April Baadsgaard Moody.

He is dearly loved by his parents

and his brothers

Joshua Aaron, Matthew Dallan and Mitchell Ross,

his grandparents,

Ross and Janene Baadsgaard of Spanish Fork, Utah

 and T. Dean and Patrice Moody of Kennewick, Washington,

 as well as 30 uncles/aunts

and 38 cousins.

Caleb's spirit radiated pure love.

He brought the love of God

and Light of Christ

 into the lives of all who knew him.

Caleb's life was a precious gift 

and a tender miracle.

His winking eye

was a daily reminder

of Caleb's deep love for all of us.

Caleb could have quickly returned to heaven

but, instead,

he brought heaven to us for seven years.

Please join us in celebrating his life.

His funeral will be held

at the Spanish Fork Maple Mountain Stake Center

located at

2188 East 100 South,

on Friday, February 17th at 11:00 a.m.

A viewing will be held

from 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. prior to services.

Our Angel . . . Caleb Moody

Goodbye Caleb

My precious grandson Caleb died tonight.

Caleb Needs Your Prayers

My Grandson Caleb was life-flighted

to Primary Children's Hospital early this morning.

He is very sick and could use your prayers.

Happy Birthday Caleb

I felt prompted to help Caleb
write these letters to his family
on his 7th birthday.
He died unexpectedly a few weeks later.


Happy Birthday Caleb!

Instead of writing a story for your birthday this year I want to help you write a few letters to your mother, father and brothers Joshua, Mathew and Mitchell. 

I think if you were able to write a letter to these very special people who love you so much and take such good care of you they might read like this . . .

Dear Mother,

Many years ago you went in for an ultrasound very early in your pregnancy. You found out that I was a boy . . . and you also found out that I was missing my brain. When the medical professionals told you that I had no chance of survival and recommended an abortion - thank you for having the courage to listen to your heart and not your fears. When they told you I would have no quality of life and that I would ruin your family’s quality of life, thank you for choosing to discover what quality of life really means. When they told you I was missing an eye, thank you for choosing to see me as your precious son and not what the doctor called me (not viable - not conpatible with life). When further tests revealed that my entire head had not formed correctly and that my cleft-plate, partially formed nose and multiple missing cranial structures would make eating and breathing in a usual way impossible, thank you for choosing not to despair, but to devote yourself cheerfully and gratefully to my 24-hour care. When the doctors told you to take me home, buy a burial plot and let me die, thank you for choosing to fight for my life and celebrate each day I was in your home.

These past seven years have brought multiple hospitalizations and near death emergencies. We’ve spent a lot of time in hospital, you and me. Thank you for always being there right beside me when each individual breath was painful, labored and exhausting. I’ve heard your every prayer, every heart-felt longing and each exhausted plea to God. And though I’ve never been able to speak a word or raise my arms to embrace you, never doubt how much I love you my precious mother. There is a love deeper than life and broader than time between you and me, an eternal bond that time and circumstance will never break.

I am so grateful that you have chosen to live the past seven years with joy, not sorrow – that my presence was and is enough for you. The world defines us by what we can do. Thank you for choosing to define me by who I am. There will be a day, beyond this life, when I will be able to say all the things I never said, but I have a feeling you already know. When two hearts are knit together, there is often no need for words.

I was born in the winter, a time of waiting before the spring. Always remember that winter’s promise is the hope of spring. There will be a day when the time of waiting is over and all that was lost will be reborn.

I love you mom.

Caleb

Dear Father,

I know you and mom stay up late every night with me so my medication can take effect and also to have some special snuggle time with me. You and Mom usually tuck me into bed around midnight, but it usually isn't long until my alarms start beeping, I need suctioning, a diaper change or more medicine. A few nights a week I have a night nurse who sits with me from 12-6 so you and mom can get some sleep. But on the other nights, it is you and me Dad. You are always there with me when I need you in the night. Those late night hours when it is just you and me mean everything to me. In this life I will never be able play catch, or even speak or hug you. But I know that when fathers love their sons, they love them in the way they need to be loved. With us it is g-tubes, respirators and diapers.

You are always there with me when I need you in the day also. Dad, thank you for going to work every day at BYU so that all of us have everything we need.

Dad, I want you to know about something you may not see. When fathers love their sons like you love me, the powers of heaven open. There are angels around you every night, lifting your arms when you are too tired and keeping you awake when every cell in your body screams for sleep. I am aware of and grateful for every time you turn me, change my diaper, suction me then hug me and kiss me. You never complain, and though I can’t respond when you talk to me, I hear you Dad. I hear every word, spoken or unspoken, every desire, and every prayer to God in my behalf.

I also love the way you tease me like Dad’s do. Like the way you call me One-eye and let me dress up as the one-eyed pirate on Halloween.

I love the way take me everywhere and proudly tell people I am your son. When you come into my room at night I always proudly tell the angels that you are my father.

I love you Dad.

Caleb

Dear Brothers,

Josh, Matty and Mitch - I’m so happy that you are my brothers. You always take time every day to include me and make me an important part of the Moody boy’s story.

I remember when you used to crawl in in crib when I was a baby and sing “I am a child of God” when my heart rate was getting too slow. You always brought me toys and even though I couldn’t play with them the way you do, I imagined myself playing with them and it was still fun.

I love it when you hug and kiss me and tell me about your day. Even though I can’t raise my arms to hug you back, I love the way you lift my arms around your neck and put your cheek next to my lips.

When you talk to me I can’t answer you with my mouth in words, but I hear you listening to me with your heart. When you’re listening that way you can hear me telling you, “I love you Josh.” “I love you Matty.” “I love you Mitchell.” Thank you for helping mom during the day when I need to be turned or suctioned. That is such a nice way to tell me you love me back.

Don’t worry about my eye that is missing. When I was in heaven, I knew the Baadsgaard secret code for telling each other “I love you, you’re wonderful, and you can do it!” It was a wink. I knew that I would never be able to speak to you with words in this life, so I thought of a plan. That is why I chose to come as your brother winking so that you would always know that I love you and believe in you. Thank you for believing in me – believing that I am still your brother inside this body – even though I can’t move, or see or hear or think the way you do. Thank you for believing that even though I’m missing my brain, I’m not missing my heart and soul. Thank you for believing that we will always be one of the Moody boys and we’ll always love each other forever.

I love you Joshua.

I love you Mathew

I love you Mitchell.

Caleb

We are valuable and we are loved because of who we are not what we do.

I've noticed that when we are meeting someone for the first time we often ask, "What do you do?"  It is a common question for most of us are curious about other's occupations.

I've also observed that as my children were growing up many people asked them, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" referring to what career they will choose.  Prestige and the ability to earn money are often the result of what we choose to do.

So we grow into adults who focus almost entirely on what we do to feel good about ourselves.  If we don't do enough during the day, we feel lazy. If we don't choose the right career or if we do something wrong, we fill our hearts with regret or guilt. More and more we learn to focus the camera lens of our lives on what we do.

The other day I was speaking with someone about my grandson Caleb. When people find out Caleb was born without a brain they often stand in stunned silence. Then they always ask, "What can he do?"

I know the question is innocent and I am not offended but I can't help thinking that they are missing the point. Caleb might not have a brain but he has a heart and soul. If I go through the usual list of important achievements in life, Caleb may not fit the bill. But I always long to explain that it is not what Caleb can do that defines him.

And sometimes the person I'm talking to persists with detailed questions like . . .
"Can he see?"
"Can he move?"
"Can he hear?"
"Can he speak?"
"Can he eat?"
"Can he breathe?"
"Can he think?" 

And though the questions are innocent they often leave this impression . . .
"Well if he can't he do anything, I feel so sorry for him and for you. If he can't do anything - what purpose can his life possibly have?"

Because our family has been blessed to have Caleb in our lives we have learned that what makes someone valuable is not what they do but who they are.  Though Caleb's body makes is almost impossible for him to do much of anything in a physical sense, his presence is enough for us. His divine and noble spirit is alive and well inside a body with severe physical limitations yet enhanced spiritual abilities. Caleb speaks without language getting in the way. He loves without the inherit limitations of physical affection. His soul shines with a light only seen through the eyes of love.

So the next time you see someone like my grandson Caleb do not ask their family members what they can do.  Do not feel sorry for them. Instead say, "Tell me about your child."

And the next time you are thinking dark thoughts about self or others because of something you or they did of failed to do . . . stop. 

Then, pray.

Allow yourself to feel the love of God for you and every person who has walked this earth. You are not valuable to God or those around you because of what you do or don't do.  You are valuable because you are you.

Your existence - your presence - is enough.

And perhaps when you talk to the youth you might ask, "Who do you want to be when you grow up?"  For it is our inner qualities, the qualities Caleb already possesses, like compassion, patience, gentleness, meekness, and love that are the true measures of a meaningful life.

 

The Boy Who Was Born Without A Brain



My daughter April snuggling with Caleb

THE WINKING FAMILY

In my family we have a secret code to communicate our love for each other when we are out in public. We wink. When one of us is about to perform or speak, we look for a family member’s face in the crowd. Then we wink at each other. Closing one eye and winking is our secret code for saying, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”


Almost seven years ago, my grandson Caleb was born into our family. He must have known before birth that he would never be able to speak to us because he was born with one eyelid permanently closed. So, he is always “winking” at us, always communicating, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”



Mitchell and Caleb

Caleb has one eye lid permanently closed because he is missing one of his eyes . . . and he is also missing his brain. All the doctors said he would die soon after birth. They were wrong. He is a medical miracle. The doctors say he can’t see, hear, speak, think or move. Those who know and love Caleb understand he has his own unique way of experiencing the world and communicating his love to those around him.

After Caleb was born the hospice people told us to buy a burial plot and continually warned us of his imminent death. We soon learned you can not live well in a state of fear and sadness. We decided we could spend Caleb’s entire life anxious and scared he might die at any moment, or we could celebrate each day we were blessed to have him with us. In the beginning, my daughter April celebrated Caleb’s birthday every week instead of every year with balloons and cupcakes because we simply did not know how long we would have him with us. We stopped the cupcakes after we gained ten pounds, but the celebrating goes on.

We all prayed for a miracle when we first learned about Caleb’s condition. We got one. Caleb’s birth, life and mission have had a deep and lasting impact on our lives. His spirit, eternal identity and most of all the loving, individual relationship he has with each of us is truly a miracle. Because of Caleb we know that each of us has a divine purpose and that the physical body is a sacred gift we should never take for granted. We better understand the worth of a soul and the resiliency of the human spirit.

Caleb’s older brother Matthew said, “Grandma. The doctors said Caleb was going to die, but he didn’t. That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”

The winking family: Mitchell, Josh, Caleb, Dallan, April and Mathew

Caleb’s younger brother Mitchell holds hands with his brother while they ride together in the stroller. Sometimes the only intervention that can get Caleb’s heart rate up is when his older brothers Josh and Matty crawl in his crib, hug him and sing, “I am a Child of God.” Caleb is my hero and though he has never been able to utter a single word - he has taught everyone who knows and loves him – all the secrets of a rich and meaningful life.

Caleb Is Improving!

Caleb is doing much better.

I sincerely thank you for all your prayers. 

They truly make a difference.

Caleb Needs Your Prayers



MY HEROS:  Caleb, Dallan, Mitchel, Matty, Josh and April

My grandson Caleb is in Primary Children's Hospital battling an infection.  He needs all our prayers. 

When my daughter called at midnight and asked if I could watch her other three boys while they were at the hospital, I was so grateful there was something I could do to help.  As my worried daughter and her husband were pulling away in their van in and dark and rain, April said, "Just crawl in our bed and try to get some sleep Mom."

So I did. 

Before long my four-year-old grandson climbed in his parent's bed and snuggled up. 

Toward morning I felt Mitchel touching my head  . . . all over.

"Mom?  Is that you or Dad?"  Mitchel asked.

"It's Grandma," I answered.

"Oh," Mitchel answered matter-of-factly just like Grandma  crawled in his parents bed every night.  

Then he drifted back into a deep comfortable sleep.

You know we do a lot of things we think are important in our lives, but the years have taught me that being a comfort to a child is pretty much right up there near the top of my list.

My grandson Caleb was born without a brain and has had to fight for survival every day of his life.  He is my hero - but so are his parents and brothers Mitchel, Josh and Matty.  Every day they take of Caleb's many needs with joy and gratitude for his presence.  Every day they gently care for and deeply love someone who can not take care of himself. Their daily quiet constant acts of service to their brother and son is at the pinnacle of my list.