When We Plant Sunshine

Happy Birthday Sammy.

Here is a story I wrote just for you.

I love you so very much.

Sammy’s Garden of Miracles

by

Grandma Baadsgaard

When Sammy woke up one morning, sunlight streamed into his room like sheets of honey. Sammy opened his mouth into a big yawn and felt the shimmering rays tickle his tongue.

“Sunlight is sweet as honey,” Sammy thought smacking his lips. “I will capture one ray of sunshine and plant it in my garden.”

So Sammy held his lips tightly together until he reached a warm spot of earth in his backyard. Then he leaned down close to the brown sod and listened.

He heard the earth people under the warm ground and they were humming, “Sammy is here. Something wonderful is about to begin.”

Sammy smiled for he heard many unseen friends. Then Sammy brushed away the earth and made a tiny hole with his cupped hand. Next he parted his lips ever so slightly. Out came the ray of sunshine so quickly he had to immediately blow the shimmering wave into the rich brown earth before it flew away. Then he gently patted the dirt over the warm place creating a small mound.

Sammy was a wise boy who knew that the earth was full of wonders. Each day Sammy returned to his mound of earth and dreamed a new dream.

Each day Sammy said, “There is magic in sunshine if you plant it just so and never stop believing something magical will grow.”

Then one day something happened that made Sammy feel sad inside. His cousin Caleb died. On the evening after Caleb’s funeral, Sammy was looking out the window into his back yard. He watched as the blue dark faded into black. Just then he saw something shining on his mound of earth. Sammy ran outside to take a look. It was a moonbeam streaming down from the sky in the black night. Sammy looked up.

“Caleb?” Sammy asked as his face was bathed in moonlight. “Can you see me?”

Suddenly the tiny moonbeam filled all the dark space all around him. Then Sammy’s mother walked through the back door and knelt beside him.

“Will I ever see Caleb again?” Sammy asked his mother.

“Every person has a shiny spirit inside their body,” his mother said. “That spirit is what makes our body dance and sing and play. Caleb’s spirit is not inside his body right now but it will be again someday. We won’t be able to see him until we die, but he will keep sending us sunshine every time we open our hearts and let his warm inside.”

Sammy wiped his tears then took his mother’s hand. Then they slowly walked back toward the house.

“I miss Caleb,” Sammy said.

“Me too,” his mother answered.

When Sammy woke up the next morning all the dark was gone. Sunshine was streaming into this room like rays of honey once again. Sammy felt the shimmering light tickle his tongue. Then he remembered the ray of sunshine he planted in his back yard. He jumped from his bed and raced to the back door. As he swung the door wide open, Sammy wondered for a moment if he were dreaming. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. Sammy’s entire back yard was filled with bright and shining yellow daffodils and tulips swaying gently in the morning breeze.

“There is magic in sunshine if you plant it just so and never stop believing,” Sammy whispered, “something magical will grow.”

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Sister Love - Fine Art for the Soul

When I was raising my daughter Arianne, I don't remember a time when she didn't have a pad of paper and a drawing pencil in her hand. Running through life was not enough for her . . . she wanted to stop, savor, relish and re-create the rich details of the beauty she quietly observed around her.

Now Arianne is a mother of four young children and she spends her days home schooling and creating with her children.

When Arianne's nephew Caleb died a few weeks ago, her heart longed to help her sister April at such a tender time . . . so she took out her camera and her oil paints. She spent hours taking photos and creating a stunning and emotional hard bound book with images of Caleb's final dressing at the mortuary, funeral and burial to give her sister. Then she dusted off her old oil paints and brushed the final strokes on her latest masterpiece . . . an oil painting of Caleb.

This painting of Caleb is the first thing April sees when she wakes up in the morning and the last thing she sees when she goes to sleep.

Sister love is fine art for the soul. Pin It

March River Walk

For family night tonight

we took a walk. 

One of our favorite places for walking

is along the Spanish Fork River trail near our home. 

Here there is 

quiet

water falling over rocks

wind rushing dry leaves across the path 

creaking trunks of aging trees

 sudden song of meadow-lark

deer grazing in the fields. 

Here winter is melting away 

yet in the mountains nearby, 

snow and ice hold fast.

In our hope

we know warm is coming.

Spring is around the next bend,

just out of sight.

Cold and ice will leave our quiet pastures

our towering mountains.

The grip of death 

can not hold fast for long.

Then all that was lost - will return to living.  

These beautiful pictures were taken by my daughter Arianne who continues our family tradition as she takes walks with her own young family now.

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Happy Birthday Tessa!

Happy Birthday Tessa.

I love you and miss you very much.

This is a poem I wrote just for you on your one-year-old birthday

Tessa Van Dressa and Poodalee Pie

By

Grandma Baadsgaard

Tessa Van Dressa and Poodalee Pie

Smiles at her Momma as she walks by.

She sings to her Granny who calls on the phone

Then squeals with delight when Daddy comes home.

When Mommy is cooking Tessa makes pan lid pie

Pounds on the sides and breathes a big sigh.

Then when she hears, “Who made this big mess?”

Tessa Van Dressa can’t even guess.

For messes are magic when you’re just turning one

And Tessa is shiny like the noon day sun.

She sings when she’s happy and cries when she’s sad

And makes even rainy days seem not so bad.

Our Tessa Van Dressa is one year new.

Our family adores her and who even knew

That Tessa doesn’t care what we do or say

She just wants to know if we’re ready to play.

Tessa is a treasure we all savor today

For soon she’ll be grown and move far away.

We know babies are diamonds and rubies and more

Lucky the family with a baby in store.

Before you are ready the newness is done

Walking and talking now has begun.

We take down tiny linens and fold them away

For a new change of season is at bay.

Our Tessa Van Dressa will always be loved

More than the oceans or the sky above

More than sands on the great ocean floor

More than forever and a little bit more.

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Dallan Moody's Devotional Address

My son-in-law Dallan Moody gave an amazing and heartfelt speech today that I consider a masterpiece. If you'd like to listen to Dallan Moody's Devotional Address click here.­


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John Is The Beast

My son John is playing the part of the beast in Spanish Fork's Diamond Fork Junior High's production of "Beauty and the Beast this week.  Performances are March 7-10th (Wed-Sat) at 7:30. You can buy tickets at the door. I can't wait to see you perform John. I'm so proud of you. Good luck.  Pin It

Celebrating Ashley

I am a mother bear. I would give my life to save my child. I will not back away from anything if I think I can spare my child from pain. But I have learned that protecting my child from pain is not always possible or perhaps even desireable.  

When my daughter Ashley told me she wanted to have an un-medicated birth, I supported her 100% . Yet deep inside, I knew what an unmedicated birth felt like because I've been there and done that many times before. Because this was Ashley's first child, I knew she didn't know.  My initial instinct was to spare her that pain.

Ashley did not make this decision casually.  Natural childbirth was Ashley's choice after careful study, planning and prayer. Yet even the most careful planning does not always prepare us for harsh realities. So my wise daughter looked ahead and planned for the moment when she'd desperately want to give up, change her mind, and find another way around but not through the pain. When turning back was no longer an option, Ashley knew she would need others to renew her courage, encourage her to push through the pain and live.

"This is your window," I told her right before I knew the hard pains would hit, when there would be no turning back.

"I can do this." Ashley said.

When those hard pains hit, Ashley was surrounded with those who loved her - those who would help her see that joy was almost hers to own - right there, just out of her reach, after she took a deep breath and pushed through.

Then it was my turn to be brave, my turn to encourage when all I wanted to do was comfort - my turn to say, "You can do this."
And she did.

Now as she faces those early difficult days after giving birth with the exhaustion only new motherhood brings, she knows she can do hard things.

"If I can give birth without so much as an aspirin, I can do this," Ashley whispers in the darkness.

So God allows us to choose pain so that we can experience joy. When we face our biggest fears we are free at last to discover deep inner strength - a reservoir of courage we did not know was there.

But God knows, God cares and God always surrounds us with those who love us - both seen and unseen - to tell us when we most want to give up. . .
"You can do this.
Don't give up.
Joy is coming.
You're not alone.
You're almost there."
    
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Dallan Moody Is Speaking at the BYU Devotional

My son-in-law Dallan Moody will be speaking at the BYU Devotional on March 6th at 11:00 AM in the Marriot Center on BYU campus in Provo Utah. Dallan is without a doubt one of the most amazing men I've ever known. Devotionals are open to the public and they are also broadcast live on channel 11. This will be a speech you won't want to miss. I'll be sitting on the front row "winking" Dallan. I love you.  MOM

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Dancing With My Son

Last night while my daughter Alisa was gone with her father shopping, my fifteen-year-old son John asked if he could practice dancing with me.

John is playing the part of the beast in his junior high play of "Beauty and the Beast". There is a scene where he dances with Belle. They didn't have much time to practice at school.

John doesn't know this, but I so savored every moment of our dance together. Because John and his sister Alisa are the last two of my ten children living at home, I know from experience how fleeting my time with my children really is.

As we waltzed around the room, my mind whirled with tender memories of John growing up. Motherhood and childhood is a tenuous dance - we hold fast to each other - never quite knowing when to hold on and when to let go. First one leads then one follows. This night it felt like such an honor to have John lead me now.

"You're letting me lead you," John said.
"I know," I answered.

Should I lead or follow? How difficult it is to know  . . .  is now the right time to hold on or let go?

Ultimately my sons and daugters have led me to place of deep abiding love I did not know existed before.

Thank you for asking me to dance John. Last night was a moment I will remember forever.
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Life and Death - a personal journey

 In the past few days I have been present when my grandson Caleb died and my granddaughter Lily was born. Now I know through personal experience that our entrance and exit from this stage called life is sacred - a holy baptism of raw pain and transforming joy.

Death

I watch as the monitors in the hospital room flash Caleb’s vital signs.
Glowing numbers appear and disappear - lower and slower.

The lights go out.

“Don’t leave me,” Mathew sobs while he holds his dead brother in his arms. “You’re my best friend.”

Can’t hold on to life.
Can’t protect my loved ones from this exquisite pain.

“Oh God, please help us.”

All we can do is cling to each other.

Grief – a giant wave washes over us – we can’t breathe.

Cold and trembling on the shore.

I see my daughter’s eyes.

Another wave.

“It was such a privilege to be your mother,” April whispers gently kissing Caleb and pulling a soft yellow blanket around his shoulders.

Another wave.

Holding Mitchell’s tiny hand while we walk from the hospital.

“I wish Caleb could come alive again,” Mitchell says.

“Me too,” I answer.

Birth.

My daughter Ashley calls in the night.


“Mom, my water just broke. Can you be with me?”

Another wave.

Hospital again.

Monitor flashes Ashley’s vital signs.
Labor contractions crest and fall.
Minutes tick by as the waves gradually get closer and closer,
the pain - stronger and stronger until she can bear it no longer.

Ashley cries out in pain.

Another wave.

I cannot protect my loved one from this exquisite pain. All we can do was cling to each other.

"Oh God please help us."

“Push!” I promise. “Push through the pain. Lily is almost here. You can do it.”

Father's trembling hands reach out and grasp his newborn daughter.


Lily in her mother's arms. 

Exquisite joy.

Birth and death.

Light and dark.

Joy and sorrow.

We can’t have one without the other.

Tonight I stepped into my back yard near sunset.

Snow beneath my feet, bare limbs of trees, grey skies stare in silence.

Death is here.

Yet as I turned the corner, I saw the first green spears of dormant flowers slicing through the frozen soil.

Caleb is near.

Lily is here.

Cycle of living, season of song, embraces and whispers,

“Life goes on.”

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I'm Speaking Tonight at the Saint George Tabernacle

I'll be speaking at the Saint George, Utah Tabernacle tonight,

February 24th at 7:00 p.m.

topic = "15 Secrets to a Happy Home"

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Blue Dark

I relish sunsets.

Every evening 

I sit together with my family

around the table eating supper. 

My dining room chair faces west.

While we feed our bodies and our souls

with companionship, conversation and good food,

I have a front row seat to the west window.

Each day I feel the love of God

as I watch daylight fade to black.

It is as if I can hear my Heavenly Father say,

"It is time to put your cares, your worries and fears to rest.

The day is ending and you're not alone.

I'm here."

These photos were taken by my son John. Pin It

Images from Caleb's funeral

These photos were taken by my daughter Arianne

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Lily is born.

In the past few days I've been in the room when one grandchild left earth for heaven

and one left heaven for earth. Both were profoundly sacred and holy experiences. 

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An Interview with my daughter April about her son Caleb

Referring to the hours and days right after his birth...


"It was in those moments when I was all by myself in the room not knowing if I was going to have a baby the next day or what the next days were going to bring. I was just so heavy inside. … I really am a light person inside [and] to feel that much anguish was really overwhelming to me because it was the first time in my whole life that I can say that I was honestly just anguishing in my heart, I was really really sad.

I remember telling my mom on the phone that night when she called to check on me that every single cell in my body was sad. It didn’t matter to me if he had a perfect body it didn’t matter if he was going to require a lot of care, I just wanted my son, I wanted him close to me.

After I hung up from my mom, who I’m closer to than almost anyone in the world, I remember thinking, "There’s nobody in the whole world who knows what I’m feeling right now, even the people that love me the very most don’t know how much I’m hurting inside; it’s too big."

An hour later a friend in the ward called me and said, "I thought you might want to know what was said in the prayer in sacrament meeting today..."

A gentleman in the ward had been praying over the pulpit and he asked Heavenly Father to comfort us because He knew what it was like to lose a son. Just hearing that touched my heart so deeply-to be flooded with that realization that He knew, He knew what I was going through because He had lost a son for all of our sake. I remember feeling like my burden could be shared with somebody because He knew. As I was thinking about that that night I was also overcome with the realization that it wasn’t just my Heavenly Father who knew but also my older brother, that son who knew. I have such a vivid picture in my mind of the Savior in the garden having a personal moment for me in Caleb’s story.

I realized the power of the atonement at that time wasn’t just for sin, not just for mistakes, not for our disappointments and our worries - all of those things, but also for our heartaches, the things that make us sad. That’s the first time that I really realized that the atonement isn’t just the sadness that we feel for our sins and our mistakes, but it is for our worries, and our heartaches, and our despairing and anguishing moments. That brought me comfort to know that I had my Older Brother on one side and my Father on the other side that knew exactly how I felt and that was enough. It was enough to know that somebody knew how I was feeling.

How does your sense of the eternities effect your understanding of what goes on beyond this life? How do your beliefs support you?

My testimony has deepened in the atonement and in the love of our Father in Heaven and in the Savior in knowing that with certainty that our Savior has overcome death. So on those days that I feel worried, 'what if Caleb dies, and how will I be if I can’t have him here with me on the earth because I love him so much,' I am so grateful for the knowledge that death is not the end and the Savior Jesus Christ has overcome death and that is joyful. I’m so grateful know that though Him my family can be together forever. And for me that’s not just a nice statement to put on my wall or embroider on a pillowcase, but it really is at the core of my testimony; through him our families can be together forever. That’s a big part of our life here on the earth.

[I'm] thankful to have the knowledge that Caleb is tied to us eternally. Through the Savior his physical challenges will be healed and he will have all of the wonderful opportunities that we all have to have a body that works the right way and to feel joy in that way.

I have never felt that in Caleb’s experience on the earth that he feels sad about his body. I know that he is joyful to have a body even though it has challenges and some things about his body don’t work quite the same way our bodies do. I’ve never felt that I should be sad about that. I love to take care of that sweet little body. I just think that he is so beautiful.

I have always felt really secure that this is a part of our family’s eternal story. That Caleb coming to our family with his sweet little body is a part of our eternal story as a family and that it is significant for our family. It is a blessing for our family and that the tender parts that come with it; contemplating if we’ll have to mourn Caleb at some time or if we’ll have to be missing him sooner than we would have hoped.

We really really felt joyful that Caleb coming the way he came is a part of our family story. Even though there are sad parts that come in mortality, ultimately the big picture for are family are joyful. The parts that are sad are just limited to mortality.

It’s easy to take life for granted until you’re really faced how fragile life can be.

Realizing how precious every minute is has made every minute count for me. Caleb has taught me to find joy in every day. Caleb radiates with love and light. Even though he can’t speak with words his little spirit just speaks volumes about what it means to love.

My favorite moments with Caleb are quiet moments in our rocking chair together. When I’m holding him on my lap I just feel like we have the best conversations, we don’t even ever use words. It makes me think that that’s how we must speak to each other in heaven because it’s just a pure communication that’s heart to heart. It doesn’t get confused, it doesn’t get limited in language, it’s just straight from the heart.

Something that really stands out in my mind is that in those first few weeks that we were at home with him we really tried to be positive and cheerful and hopeful. Even though doctors were telling us the worst we still never wanted to not be hopeful.

It’s never living in denial to live a hopeful life.

The medical world would look at me and think that I was a mother in denial but I was just a mother that was choosing hope.

What would you miss most about Caleb…

His presence. His presence and the essence of who he is; the spirit that he has with him. There are also little Mom things that I would miss; the power of his spirit, the essence of who he is, and the sweetness of heaven that comes with him. I have a reassurance in my heart that because Caleb is a part of our eternal family that if he weren’t with us Heavenly Father would still allow his essence to be with us and his spirit to shine for us.

When he gives you something extra tender he also blesses you with some really tender mercies.

He knew what He was asking, because He knows what it’s like to lose a son He doesn’t ask it lightly.

Heavenly Father understands that loss is one of the hardest things on the earth.

Even having an eternal perspective we still anguish over losing the people that we love.

We are all going to experience that at some point in our lives; whether it’s as a mother losing your children or losing your mother. I know that Heavenly Father knows that that’s one of the hardest things he asks of us during mortality. I have peace in my heart know that if He knows that that of course during that time He will be there.













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