Friends

Friends are one of life's sweetest treasures.  On the second Tuesday of every month I get together with a great group of friends.  We eat, we talk, we laugh  . . . and just enjoy each other's company.  Some of these women I've known for decades.  We 've watched our children grow up and now we are watching each other grow old.  Though our lives have proved difficult at times, we still find reason to celebrate the joy of friendship.  

How to Make Your Life a Masterpiece . . . become an inverse paranoid

When someone tells you their life story, they unknowingly also tell you if they are a regular, run-of-the-mill paranoid person or a fabulous, one-of-a-kind, inverse paranoid person. A regular run-of-the-mill paranoid person thinks life, experiences and people are out there to do them harm. They are constantly stressed out, negative, anxious and complaining about life - waiting for the other boot to drop. Paranoid people are experts at brooding. They dwell on the past, nurse old wounds, indulge in comparisons, chew on regrets, second guess, obsess on problems and always anticipate the worst-case scenario.


On the other hand, an inverse paranoid person believes life and people are out there to do them good – to a paranoid extent. They are relaxed, positive, believe everyone loves them and that good things are always headed their way. They ask for help when needed, delight in differences, nourish relationships, uplift friends and family, inspire, delight, comfort and charm. When the other boot drops and clobbers them on the noggin, they grab it and go dancing.

For example, if a regular paranoid person tells you their life story it will go something like this: “My mother was always depressed while I was growing up and my father was obsessed with his career so I grew up shy, insecure and unloved. Then they got divorced and messed me up big time. Then I got married and my husband turned out just like my father and he left me and now all my children are messed up because of their father, and on and on and so forth. You get the picture. This person has written her life story in her mind, and it is a tragedy.

Now, an inverse paranoid person may have the same plot details to work with, but they choose to write their life story more like this: “My mom often glued herself to the bed sheets while I was growing up so I had lots of unstructured time to develop a vivid imagination. I learned great skills in independence and responsibility while I kept the house clean and my siblings fed. ‘Who’s that?’ I asked my mom once when a strange man walked through the living room. ‘Why son, that’s your father,’ my mother answered to my surprise. I knew great things were in store for me because my parents were the perfect character studies for a murder mystery I was going to write when I grew up and became a famous author. After my wife left me, my remarkable children lined me up with a blind date who turned out to be an angel. We got married and I’ve been living in second heaven every since.”

This is basically the same story told through different lenses. When we look through the lens of a camera, we see everything in front of us in the viewfinder. Then we decide what detail to focus on before we take the picture. We can choose to look at our life through a lens that focuses on our blessings or our hardships. The picture we take needs to include precisely what we want to emphasize because that picture will become the story of our life. We get to choose whether we want a life story that ends as a tragedy or a masterpiece. A masterpiece doesn’t come as the result of all light and no darkness. A masterpiece is darkness that has been dispersed by the light.

Learning Brings Joy

My son John began playing the bass a few months ago.  I went to his concert tonight and couldn't believe how far the students had progressed in one short school year.  It was a thrill to listen to the music they performed.  And I had to wonder - why do we adults stop learning new things? Children aren't afraid to try anything. 

As we age to tend to stop trying new things.  Perhaps we have decided what we are good at and don't want to look foolish.  Perhaps we compare ourselves to others and don't want to look bad by comparison. 

We can begin anew to explore and experiment.  We can develop new skills and talents at any age. It doesn't matter if we are good at what we try but only that we are willing to try. 

Perhaps the reason we grow old is not because our bodies age but because we stop learning and growing like children do.

Joyful Living is a Choice

Living a joyful life is really a personal choice.  Nursing old wounds, obsessing on problems, anticipating the worst, indulging in comparisons, dwelling on the past and second-guessing choices are all good ways to think if we want to be miserable.  The only  moment we have is now.  The only power we have is to act in the present.

This life is just a drop in the sea of eternity. We can choose to drink deep from the well of love. We can't control how many love us but we can control how many people we love.  We can choose to uplift, encourage, nurture and inspire. Whenever we’re tempted to retreat into small living, we can remember who we are and tell ourselves to start acting like the children of God we are.


Each moment of our life is precious and deserves to be savored. If we had a glimpse into the magnitude of our influence, we wouldn’t live one more day without offering our love. Just being alive is a glorious thing no matter what our present circumstances may be. For all experience is like the entrance into a new world of expanded perspective, awareness and wisdom.

The Wisdom of Grandmahood

During my early years of motherhood, I felt the need to learn from older wiser women.  I often asked mothers who had raised their children what they would do differently if they had it to do over again. 

Without fail, every mother said, "I would enjoy my children more." 
This advice gave me the perspective I needed. 

Now I am the grandma and I see younger mothers around me stressed out and anxious about unimportant things. 

And I want to tell them the same thing, "Relax.  Slow down.  Enjoy your children.  Some day you will treasure these moments like precious gems gleaming with the luster of years well spent."

Finding Peace and Joy in Our Lives

We don't always have the power to choose our circumstances but we do have the power to choose how we VIEW our circumstances.  Our lives change for the better when we choose to develop our sense of humor, optimism and hope.  A limited perspective often traps us in a mistaken diagnosis of self-pity or self-aggrandizement.

I remember clearly the day I glanced around me in the pediatrician’s office while waiting for my first baby’s check-up. The room was full of snot-nosed whiny ill-dressed misbehaving children. None of my children will ever look or act like that, I thought to myself. Two decades later I remember sitting in the pediatrician’s office for my last baby’s check-up. My son was running around like a maniac with his light saber chasing unsuspecting toddlers. His teenage sister was listening to music through headphones and a bad attitude was oozing out her bared teeth. Another child was picking his nose and my baby was filling her diaper and burping at the same time with so much gusto it made my eyes water. Funny thing - I really didn’t care when I noticed a new mother across the room eyeing my brood with a critical eye. Eventually all children teach their parents humility. I just smiled and waved.


Likewise, I used to feel so embarrassed for the older women I saw in public with their makeup applied to the incorrect part of their face. They didn’t seem to notice their lipstick was protruding way beyond their actual lip lines or that their mascara was smeared. Now I’m the older woman who hasn’t figured out how to apply make-up when I can’t see without putting my glasses on. If I put my glasses on, I can’t apply my eye makeup because my glasses are in the way. So I take off my glasses and just kind of guess, hoping for the best. I often see young people with 20/20 vision look at me quizzically, but I don’t waste a moment in embarrassment. I rather enjoy providing comic relief for the younger generation.

One woman told me she wasted many years feelings sorry for herself and her daughter who was born deaf. After she spent time in the hospital when her child needed surgery, this woman left feeling overwhelmingly blessed. Why? She’d spent the night walking the halls with other parents who had children who were missing brains, eyes, arms and legs. The child in the next room died during the night. Her child’s deafness didn’t seem so awful any more.

I spoke with a new widow once.  She and her husband lived frugally for forty years, never going on expensive vacations or buying each other nice gifts. They socked away every spare dime for “retirement.” They were really going to start enjoying life - when her husband retired. Well, her husband died unexpectedly the day before he retired. This woman told me if she had it to do over she would enjoy their money and their time together as they went along, not waiting for some dream that never happened.

Our lives are a gift - a precious gift to enjoy and share with joy and enthusiasm.  When we choose to laugh . . . when we choose to quit feeling sorry for ourselves . . . when we stop waiting for tomorrow to enjoy life . . . we allow our lives to flow as a river - sometimes deep and placid, other times white capped with rugged rapids, but always flowing  . . always moving until at last we find we have returned to where we began.

Changing the Way We View Our Circumstances

By the raise of hands, how many of you think you are absolutely, world-class wealthy? Whenever I ask that question, no one ever raises their hand.

What if I asked you this question instead: How many of you live in a home with a non-dirt floor? Would you raise your hand? If you would, you should realize that according to the United Nations, you are in the top 50% of the world’s wealthiest people based on that response alone.

Now what if I asked you this question: How many of you live in a home with a window, a door and more than one room?  Would you raise your hand?  If you would, you are in the top 20% of the world's wealthiest people.

Now what if I asked you this question: How many of you have a pair of shoes, a change of underwear, can choose between two or more foods to eat and can read? If you answer yes, you are in the top 10% of the world’s wealthiest people.

Now, I’m going to ask you the first question I posed - again. How many of you think you are absolutely, world-class wealthy? My guess is that all of you would raise your hand now. Why? Did your circumstances change? No. Your perspective changed. We might go through our whole lives thinking we’re poor, when we’re actually wealthy. If we could be wrong about something like that, what else might we be wrong about?

Life is a glorious thing no matter what our present circumstances.  If we are looking through the lense of abundance. . . each day a golden harvest.

"Make a joyful noise unto the Lord . . . serve the lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.  Enter into his gates with thanksgiving . . ." Psalm 100:1-2,4

John Chosen for the 2010 Great Kid Award

We attended an award program tonight where John was awarded the Great Kid Award.  Only one girl and one boy from each junior high is chosen.  The program was held at the SCERA Center for the Arts.  This award is designed to honor students who strive for excellence.  Such children demonstrate respect for themselves, authority, and other students.  They represent the values embraced by their schools, and their families.  The award is intended to be given to the young man or woman who has exemplified an attitude of service to and support of their fellow students and a deep respect for themselves and their teachers.  They are someone who everyone sees as a great person and who goes out of their way to contribute to the success of others.  They are held in high esteem by their classmates and teachers and are seen as someone who is a friend with great personal integrity.

Aubrey and Kyle Finally Attend Their Own Reception

My daughter Aubrey was married on Valentines Day a year ago.  In the car on the way to the Salt Lake City Temple she complained of pain but everyone tried to brush it off, hoping for the best.  Once we got to the temple Aubrey was in so much pain she couldn't stand up straight.  Then the vomiting started.  The temple workers, thinking it was nerves, kept giving her soda crackers. 

This brave young woman was wheeled into the sealing room in great pain with a barf bag under a satin pillow.  I asked the sealer to make the ceremony short.  When Aubrey and Kyle held hands across the alter there was not a dry eye in the room.

Moments after the ceremony, Aubrey was carried from the temple on a stretcher and taken to the nearest hospital.  The people in the emergency room said they'd never seen someone arrive in the ambulance in their wedding dress before.

After the pain was under control and some tests were run, the attending doctor walked into the room.

"Will we be able to make it to our reception?" they asked.

"You won't be going anywhere for a while," the doctor said.  "Your appendix burst. This is very serious and we are now preparing for emergency surgery."

There was no time to warn the reception guests that the bride and groom would not be able to make it to their own reception.  My daughter told me that she would be in surgery for several hours and there was nothing more I could do at the hospital - so would I go to the reception and greet her guests and tell them what had happened.

While at the reception both sets of parents had our picture taken with a large space between us hoping to photo shop in Aubrey and Kyle later.

Thanks to my son-in-law Aden and his photo shop skills Aubrey and Kyle finally made it to their own reception.  

I'm happy to report that Aubrey's health has improved and that she and Kyle are now expecting their first child this fall.

I Was a Delegate at the Republican Convention

I attended the Utah County Republican Convention as a delegate on Saturday.  It was great to be part of a process where citizens select who we want to be on the ballot to become our leaders. 

It all started when I attended a neighborhood caucus meeting where someone nominated me to be a delegate . . . then the group voted.  It doesn't get an more grass roots than that.  I didn't attend the caucus meeting intending to become a delegate but when the meeting was over I took my assignment seriously.  I attended many meetings where I could met and talk to the candidates.  I carefully read all the literature and e-mails they provided.  I talked to people who worked with the candidates.  For the most part it was a interesting and an educational experience.

 I have great respect for all the candidates and their willingness to run for office.  It takes a great deal of time, commitment and money to run a campaign.

As we got closer to the convention, I noticed some of races became a battle ground where one candidate would attack the other.  Then the person attacked felt the need to set the record straight.

At the convention most delegates were respectful of the candidates - but some were not.  There was boo-ing even for the man that is our current senator.

If I could speak to all candidates I would say:  Tell me what you would like to do if elected.  Don't tell me everything you see wrong in your opponent.

To the delegates I would say:  If you don't have respect for the man or woman, show respect for the process or the position

We don't run a civil society by attacking and booing.  If we don't like what a public servant does, we vote them out of office.  If we want to be elected we need a plan for how we will improve matters.

To everyone I say:  Become part of the process.  Be willing to be a candidate or delegate.  Help with the campaigns of those you want to elect.  If nothing else, get out and vote in the primary elections and in November.  WE decide who leads us and for how long.  WE need to put our own personal effort where our mouth is.  If WE don't like the way things are, WE need be willing to be part of the process to change things for the better

We will lose our freedoms if we don't fight for them at the ballot box.
  

Happy Birthday April

God knew what He was doing when He sent my daughter April to me in the springtime.  She is light, sunshine, and joy.

April loves to make friends. 
When she was a toddler she would stand on our front yard and wait for someone to walk by.  Then she would race up to them and say, "Hi!  I'm April.  Do you want to be my friend?"

April is a free spirit.
When she was a preschooler I saw her prancing down the hall naked after her bath.  She said, "Oh Mommy, I feel like one of those wild horses!"

April can see the best in everyone.
When she was young I was holding her hand while we walked on a sidewalk downtown.  A scarey looking homeless man approached us.  April let go of my hand and ran over to the man.  Then she looked up at him and said, "Oh Mommy, look!  It's Jesus!"

Now April has grown up.  She still has a way of seeing the best in everyone.  She still loves to make friends.   She is still a free spirit. 

Sometimes when I look at her I see the tiny premature infant that introduced me to motherhood. 

Sometimes when I look at her I see the loving, compassionate woman she has become as she cares for four sons and a busy husband.

Sometimes when she is pulling away from my driveway in her van I see her as a toddler running through a field - her hands are bulging with a rainbow of wildflowers just before she suddenly stops to kneel and pray, "Oh thank you Heavenly Father."

Now I am the grandmother who kneels to say, "Oh thank you Heavenly Father for the gift of April."


HAPPY BIRTHDAY APRIL.  What a joy it is to be your mother.

DEAR GORDON

When I found out you were retiring, I cried. I’m going to miss you.

When I started coming to orchestra I was scared and unsure of myself. I worried that I was so old and too dumb to learn how to play the violin. What a great gift it was to have you for my first teacher. You are a master at your craft and an outstanding human being. It has been an honor to know you and call you friend.

Thank you for taking your precious time to teach a beginner like me with such patience and cheerfulness. Your positive attitude and gentle kind words made all the difference. I loved listening to all the stories you had to tell. I enjoyed being taught about music theory and history, composers and all the different experiences you had over your long 62 year career.

I especially enjoyed the time when you taught us about the three kinds of conductors . . . the tyrannical conductor: you do what he says because you fear him . . . the doesn’t care much conductor: – so you don’t produce much . . . and the third kind . . . the loving conductor: you perform at your best because you love him. You have been the third kind for me.

When I was young I always wanted to learn to play the violin but my mother told me, “Only rich people play the violin.” So I sang in the choir instead. You made that dream possible for me to fulfill. Now my children are playing in the orchestra at school because of my example.

You will never know how much you have positively affected my life and so many others. Your kind gentle heart, you quick wit and your joyful personality have been a piece of sunshine in my life. I will always be grateful to you and thank God that I had a chance to know you.

May God bless you as you now care for your wife in her declining years. Always remember that you have many, many friends who will always think of you with warm thoughts and grateful hearts.

With my great respect and admiration,

Janene

Prince Logan and the Dark Knights

This is a special story written for my grandson Logan on his second birthday. Happy Birthday Logan. Your Grandma Baadsgaard loves you very much.

Remember, you will be a king some day.

Once upon a time there was male child born to King Jared and Queen Ann. Soon after Prince Logan was born, the kingdom was over-run with knights who had turned to the dark side. These wayward knights soon formed an army and camped around the castle ready to battle at the first rising of the sun.

That night the king contemplated the approaching combat. He knew he could face his own death with courage and dignity but he could not face the untimely murder of his wife and new born son. So while the queen was sleeping, the king found his most trusted servant.

“I want you to take Prince Logan into the woods, find a peasant woman with a new born babe then switch them,” the king commanded. “Then bring the peasant babe back to me. If we do this the prince will be safe no matter what happens tomorrow.”

So the trusted servant wrapped the prince in the queen’s shawl and set out for the woods under the cloak of night. The servant knew a kind woman who had just given birth to a son. He secretly slipped into her humble cottage as she slept and switched the babies. Then he brought the peasant child back to the castle and placed him in the king’s arms as commanded.

When the morning dawned, the army of Dark Knights attacked. Queen Ann ran frantically to the bedside of her son. He was not there. She searched for the king. Just as she opened the door to the dining hall, she saw the king standing at the window holding the child. Then she heard the Dark Knights break through the outer wall and storm the castle.

“Give me the child!” the queen screamed.

“No,” the king answered. “It’s me and my heir they want. Run! Hide!”

The queen did as she was commanded. When the battle was over and all was quiet she crawled from the cellar hoping to find her husband and son. To her great despair, everyone in the castle was slain, their bodies burned, and the castle lay in ruins.

The queen hid in the woods as the Dark Knights rebuilt the ruined castle into a black dungeon for all dissenters. Everyone assumed the queen was slain with her husband and child. She could not tell anyone who she was and was forced to live the life of a beggar.

One day the queen came to a humble cottage and begged for food. A kind woman opened the door holding a young child.

“Please, could you spare a little food for a starving woman?” the queen asked.

The peasant woman brought the beggar into her home and gave her a bowl of soup and crust of bread. Then she invited her to sleep next to the warm fire. When the beggar woke, the peasant couldn’t bear to send her away. She told the beggar she could stay in the cottage and help with the chores for her husband had been killed in the battle with the Dark Knights.

The queen thought it strange that the peasant’s child reminded her so much of her son, but thought it must be her grief playing tricks on her. Years passed and the queen and the peasant woman watched with great love as the child grew and grew. Each year the Dark Knights demanded more and more of the peasant’s goods in taxes until the woman and her son and the beggar had little to eat.

One evening as they sat next to the fire, the peasant woman told the beggar a story she had kept secret for twelve years.

“On the morning of the battle with the Dark knights,” the peasant woman said, “a strange thing happened. After my husband left to fight, I went to fetch my child from his bed and run into the woods. I found another baby in my son’s bed. I’ve kept him all these years never knowing what happened to my own son. This is the shawl he was wrapped in.”

The beggar gasped when she saw the shawl.

"I too have a story to tell,” the beggar woman answered. “I’m not a beggar; I am the queen and that is my shawl. On the morning of the battle, I thought it strange that the king would not let me see or hold my son. Could it be possible that your child is mine? Perhaps the king switched the babies to protect the life of the young prince. If this is true, then your son sacrificed his life for my son.”

Both women wept.

“We must teach our son to be worthy of this great sacrifice,” the queen said.

“Yes,” the peasant woman answered. “We must teach our son how to be a king.”

In the six years that followed the two women guided the boy along the path to manhood. They taught him to pray. They taught him to appreciate literature, history, art and music. They taught him to ride a stallion and how to handle a blade. They taught him to work hard for his daily bread in the stables and to share all he had with the widows and fatherless in the village. They taught him to protect children and bring sustenance to the sick and dying.

On the wall above the fireplace they hung a cloth stitched with these words:

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

J.R.R. Tolkien

Each night while he was sleeping both mothers whispered in Logan’s ear, “You were born to be a king.”

Soon the young man found companions in the surrounding villages who were equally unhappy with the rule of the Dark Knights. He formed an army of 2,000 warriors who had also been taught by their mothers. When they were ready to battle with the Dark Knights, they forged their fallen father’s broken swords, gathered in the highlands then stormed the dungeon.

The warriors fought with great strength and courage. After a valiant struggle that lasted for days, they won back the kingdom and declared Logan their king. All the Dark Knights were slain. Though some warriors were gravely injured, none died.

On the day of his coronation, King Logan presented each of his mothers with a golden crown. After he placed the jeweled circlets upon their heads, he touched their shoulders with his blade then knelt at their feet. From that day forward the valley once again found peace and posterity because Prince Logan knew how to be a king.

Spring has Arrived

It is raining today; a soft gentle cleansing. 

The blossoms on the cherry tree are in full bloom. 

Tulips and daffodils came up where I did not remember planting them in the fall.

All that seemed dead is now reborn.  All that was lost is found.

Spring has come to my home and my heart.  

A Few More Thoughts on Gratitude

Gratitude isn't just a feeling.  When we are truly grateful - we actually do something.  We seek to bless the lives of others. We long to share all we have.  What are we pesently doing with our money, possessions, talents, knowledge and time?  Do we hoard our gifts or do we share them?  We actually own nothing; we are only stewards of all God has given us.  In the end, only what we give away will ultimately be ours. 

Gratitde moves us to make loving human connections.  Gratitude invites us to feel at peace about out past, gives us the capacity to experirence joy today and allows us to create a hopeful vision for tomorrow. 

Life isn't easy.  Yet once we accept that life is difficult, a series of problems to face and work through, it ceases to be so hard.  When we accept life as it is, we are free to embrace it.  Just being alive for one more day is a grand thing.

True gratitude is an inner awareness and appreciation for all our present assests - health, friends, family, meaningful work, food and shelter.  If we don't appreciate what we have, more will never be enough.  The simpler we make our lives, the more abundant they become.

The joy of life is the journey.  Today is all we have.  This is it.  It doesn't get better than this.  So we can stop waiting.  We can eat more ice-cream, go barefoot, watch more sunsets, laugh more and cry less.  Life is to be lived and loved as we go along.  Like a roller coaster ride, it's the hills and valleys that make it a thrill.  The secret of life is to be grateful for the whole breathtaking ride.