When We Rely On God For Strength

We find the path to happiness by quickly replacing all negative, fearful or unloving thoughts. We take the first step along the path when we receive instruction and comfort from God. Negative thinking effectively blocks the flow of love and wisdom from our Creator. Prayer allows us to connect with strength and wisdom beyond our own and helps us see reality with greater clarity. If we want more confidence in life, ourselves and others we need to keep a prayer in our hearts all the time. Then God can truly transform us by the renewing, refreshing or recharging our mind.

When we rely on God for strength we also acquire a new resiliency. When something stressful happens to us we quickly choose to draw on divine strength. God can teach us how to quickly reframe or redefine the difficult situation so that we can see our circumstances with a greater sense of calm and trust in God’s love and ultimate plan for our happiness. Our Creator is ever ready to help us. When we have God at our side, nothing is impossible. “If God be for us, who can be against us?”(Romans 8:31)

Our Creator will also help us learn to see other people in a more loving way. To explore this idea, think of someone you do not have kind feelings for. Perhaps you really don't like this person and feel righteously justified with your evaluation of their worth. When you’re willing to be truly sincere, offer a prayer and ask for help to see that person the way God does. If you continue praying about this person long enough, you will eventually be enlightened. That person may not ever change, but the way you think about that person will change dramatically. You will no longer be self-deceived and will be granted a glimpse into that person’s soul. Praying about the people you dislike has the potential to change your life like nothing else.

God will also help us let go of the past. We all have enough bad things happen to use as an excuse to be miserable for the rest of our lives. We can’t change the past; even God can’t change the past. Yet, with divine help, we can change the hold the past has over us through repentance or forgiveness. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, God will help us let go of the past in a way that it will no longer have a negative impact on our thoughts and behavior in the present.

The war in heaven has already been waged and won. Good triumphed over evil. The only battle that remains is the battle for our souls. That battle in waged largely in our minds. “. . . be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.”(Romans 12:2) We have been promised we are never alone to bear our burdens or face our challenges. “Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.”(2 Kings 6: 16) So we can let go of negativity, hate and fear. If we ask God to help us, our hearts will change in ways we never dreamed possible.

More On Getting Rid of Fear

Our thoughts and subsequent behavior have the power to bring great hope or harm to our posterity. In the same way we might write a script for a play, we help author our children’s thoughts by the way WE think. We have no secret or private musings that don’t influence us and those we live and associate with. If we take the time to cultivate loving, uplifting thoughts, we become the fertile field for our children’s hearts to grow in. We can’t control the elements of sun and storm, but we can be their good earth.

When I first became a mother, I often felt overwhelmed and inadequate. I read every book and article I could find about parenting and discovered that experts kept changing their minds and disagreeing with each other.  I finally decided to ask the only real expert. I plead with God to teach me how to love my husband and children. Each time I prayed I felt impressed to change my thoughts.

I remember receiving the impression that if I really wanted to help one particular child, I had to let go of all my most personal fears. Those fears didn't consist only of public speaking or death, but included fear of failure, not being good enough, pretty enough or smart enough, being rejected by those I loved or even that I was unknown to God.  As I gradually uncovered and let go of my fears, I watched my little girl let go of hers. As I replaced my negative thoughts with positive ones, I watched my little girl blossom into her true self. Today that same little girl who didn't dare leave the house alone because a grasshopper might jump on her has earned a PhD from a prestigious Ivy League school and travels the world working on archaeological sites, doing research and presenting papers.

Half of all hospital beds are filled with worry warts and hypochondriacs. We need to relax and turn our lives over to God. Obsessive worrying is a bad habit that demonstrates a basic lack of trust in our Creator. We need to remember God is in charge. Like staring at pictures in magic-eye books, we have to be still, focus and then relax before the image appears. When we focus on positive thoughts and learn how to relax, we too will see the magic in our lives that we are missing at first glance.

When I taught writing to college students, I told them to type on the computer with the screen turned off so they couldn’t see and criticize what they had written. My students couldn’t write well if they were constantly worried about their mistakes. If they focused on expressing themselves in the first draft then worked on grammar and spelling in a later draft, their craftsmanship improved dramatically. We likewise don’t live well when we focus on everything we or others are doing wrong all the time. Everyday life is first draft. We can go back and make corrections. We need to let go of our perfectionism, over-anxiety and our multitude of fears. Most fears are blown way out of proportion.

For example, when my daughter Amy was three she was mortally afraid of the tiny, black pieces of sock lint that floated into the bathwater from her tiny toes. She would jump up and scream, pointing at the horrible, dark monsters. I tried reasoning with her, calmly explaining that sock lint was nothing to be afraid of. It didn’t work.

My husband walked into the bathroom, observed his screaming daughter then suddenly became exuberant yelling, “Amy, kill it!” He grabbed the nearest powerful weapon - the toilet plunger - and demonstrated to his tiny daughter how to knock the smithereens out of a piece of sock lint mixed with toe sweat. “Now you do it,” he said, handing Amy the plunger.

To my surprise Amy quickly modeled her father’s behavior. Instantly, a smile marched across her face. She was empowered. Her screaming episodes in the bathtub disappeared. Similarly, the way we think about challenging people and situations in our personal lives can make them seem scarier than they really are. If we ask God to help us, we will be given the abilitly to see more clearly so we can do battle with our negative and fearful thoughts before they paralyze us.

Sometimes the difference in a winning season and a losing season is in the way we think about ourselves after we mess up or lose a game.

I went to a basketball game the other day. My team lost but I didn’t feel sad or blame any of the players for a poor performance. I see winning and losing differently now because I am a mother of a daughter who played basketball. I know about all the time and effort that goes into being on a basketball team. I know about the long practices, painful injuries, competition for positions and the deep personal disappointment that follows losing an important game. I know every player on the court is trying their best.


I remember telling my daughter after a heartbreaking loss, "Maybe it's not so much about winning or losing, but putting everything you have on the court so you can walk away knowing you gave it all you had."

"Yeah I know all that Mom, but it still hurts," my daughter answered.

Now when I go home from any sporting event where my team doesn't win, I think about all those young men or women who gave their best to an effort that didn't work out the way they planned. I know they’re probably at home hurting inside - criticizing themselves or wishing for a second chance on a crucial play.

I want to say, “Stop! Look forward, not back. You can’t change what has already happened. Picture yourself doing better in your next game.”

I read an amazing study once that said the difference between a winning and losing season for two teams with equal talent is how the individual players think about themselves after losing a game. Players who visualize them selves doing better in the next game have a much better chance of a winning season than players who are overly self-critical and dwell on past mistakes.

It works the same way at home. When we are overly self critical and agonize about everything we said or did we have a hard time living in the present or moving into the future with hope and joy. At times, we all wish we could get a second chance, but we can’t go back. However, we do have the ability to positively influence lives today. If we don’t visualize our selves doing better tomorrow, we spend too long in despair.

Some people score their parenting success by how their children turn out. The truth is many wonderful parents won’t see an immediate return on their investment. No matter what anyone says to make them feel better, it still hurts. If we are wise, we will stop keeping score that way. In every sporting event there is a winner and a loser; but parenting is different. There are no winners and losers because the game never ends and God is the only one who knows enough to keep score.

Some of our heart-felt desires are fulfilled but many are not. For each life comes with sunshine and sorrow, happiness and heartache. Yet one thing I also know about life - no matter what happen to us - it goes on. The score-keeper’s total at the end of the game may not be what we counted on and the harvest isn’t always what we expect. Yet, through the grace of God, there is always another season yet to come.

LDSLiving Magazine Article

Check out the March-April issue of LDSLiving Magazine. 

I have an article in it called "Adventures in Smiling". 

The magazine took this piece from my newest book called "15 Secrets to a Happy Home".

Sharing my Love of Writing with Students

One of the things I like best about being an author is when teachers invite me into their classroom to talk about writing.  I especially enjoyed my classroom visit to Reese Elementary School today with Mr. Roberts and Mrs. Beyal's students. These students asked great questions and some of them even shared their own writing with me. I have a feeling that there are many future writers in this group of bright enthusiastic students.  Thank you for inviting me and KEEP WRITING!

Getting Rid of Fear

Fearful thoughts take all the fun out of living. Even if the worst thing we can imagine happens, we will discover we can survive it. Life goes on and we are capable of much more than we know. The what-if disease takes a terrible toll on our happiness.

My favorite remedy for the what-if disease is what I call the horribilization remedy. My rules for horribilization are as follows: First have a fearful thought such as, I have to give a speech in front of all those people. I know I’m going to bomb. We usually obsess over that thought until we’re ready to pass out. To horribilize you have to go even deeper. You think of what-ifs until the very worst thing happens - death. You horriblize to the death conclusion like this, What if I give such a bad speech that everyone thinks I’m stupid and they tell my boss and he fires me and then I can’t buy groceries, starve and die? I guarantee that taking a fearful thought to the death conclusion will always make you laugh at yourself. Besides that, I believe life after death is going to be great so dying isn’t actually all that bad.

When my friend was going through treatment for breast cancer I asked her how she was doing. 
"I'm doing fine," she said. "This treatment is awful but I figure if it doesn't work and I die, I'll be able to be with Pete (her husband who had died unexpectedly at an early age) and if I live I'll be able to be stay here with my children and grandchildren for a few more years.  Either way, I trust that what ever happens is in God's hands, that I'm loved and everything will work our for the best."

A little natural fear is normal; without it we wouldn’t need courage. On the other hand, paralyzing fear is and always will be a fatal disease of the heart for it signals the end of faith. Fear and negativity take up so much room in our heart there is no space for anything else.


I used to have preconceived ideas about how events and people in my life were supposed to turn out. I always worried that things wouldn't work out the way I wanted. Yet life always has a way of teaching us that we are not in charge. The only control we have is how we respond to the the things that happen to us.
Now I choose to wake up, think positive thoughts, do my best that day, learn from what happens then leave the rest in God’s hands. It is amazing how much better I feel.

“Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong.”(D&C 121: 45)

Positive Thinking Takes Practice

If you want the power of positive thinking to be a permanent part of your life you have to practice.  Whenever a fearful, negative or hateful thought enters your mind, replace it with a positive, hopeful or loving one. For example: hateful thought, I’m fat and ugly - replace with loving thought, I am a precious son or daughter of God. Fearful thought, I can’t do that. I’m not smart enough - replace with hopeful thought, I can do that. I can work hard and never give up. Negative thought, Why don’t they like me? There must be something wrong with me, replace with positive thought, I am lovable. There are healthy people waiting for my love.


Do you often feel like a failure? Check your thoughts. Thoughts of failure lead to feelings of failure that lead to actions that guarantee failure. Are you usually in a bad mood? Check your thoughts. Our thoughts are the authors of our moods. We choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood. Do you feel connected to other people? Check your thoughts. When we have a hard time connecting with others it may be because we are secretly harboring negative thoughts about them.

The way we think about our life is always more powerful than our actual circumstances. Circumstances don’t make us who we are, they reveal who we are. Obsessive worrying gets us in trouble. It is not always all the things that go wrong that drive us crazy; it is obsessively thinking about all the things that go wrong that drives us crazy. For example, one mother told me she was constantly worried and anxious about her troubled children. Then one day it dawned on her that if she could only be as happy as her most unhappy child, she’d have to be sad her whole life. She mentally separated her desire to nurture and love her children and her bad habit of mirroring their bad moods or being depressed about their poor life choices.

Words are powerful. What words would you describe yourself?  Do you use words like brave, teachable, grateful, optimistic, loving, curious or generous? Or do you use words like pathetic, incompetent, fat, ugly, scared or inept?  If we entertain negative thoughts about ourselves we probably entertain negative thoughts about others.  It is possible to change this negative way of thinking.  How?

First, make a life-long commitment to weed out all your negative, fearful and hateful thoughts.  As you practice controlling our thoughts, you’ll gradually create new pathways or connections in your brain. The greater your awareness and commitment, the quicker your mind will go to the positive, courageous or loving thought until you have effectively rewired your brain.

Second, understand that rehashing all our problems accomplishes only one thing – keeping us mentally stuck. We can literally make ourselves sick by the thoughts we think. What is your response when you are offended, misunderstood, treated unfairly, accused wrongly, passed over, hurt, rejected or abused? The nature of that response will determine the quality of your life.  So choose wisely.

Third, realize that the way you act begins with how you think.  If you don’t like the way you act, you need to go back and take a look at your thoughts.  Thoughts always preceed actions.

So give it a try.  Just for today - make a committment to be aware of your thoughts.  Whenever a negative, fearful or hateful thoughts comes to mind, replace it quickly with a positive, loving or hopeful thought.  If you want to have a happy life you have to have happy thoughts.  The choice is yours.

Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life!

Scientists have discovered we often respond to a placebo as well as a drug during clinical trials. Why? Because the patient thinks he or she has been given the drug. By the power of his thoughts or expectations, the effect is produced with or without the drug. In effect, our thoughts become our realities. Though we can’t control what thought enters our mind, we can control whether or not it stays there. The power to quickly change our thoughts is perhaps the most life-altering power we possess. The commitment to allow only positive, courageous and loving thoughts to remain in our mind takes consistent awareness, practice and determination or we’ll fall back into old negative habits.


I once sat in a class where an instructor, who had studied the human brain all his life, told us that when we have a negative, fearful or hateful thought we immediately lose 30 IQ points. Translation: we get instantly dumb. He told us recent studies indicated that negative, fearful and hateful thoughts cause us to operate from the primitive portions of our brain. On the other hand, he told us positive, hopeful and loving thoughts originate from the portion of our brain that allows us to use our higher level thinking and reasoning skills. In other words, when we are having negative, fearful or hateful thoughts we would be wise to replace them quickly before we do something really stupid.

For example, once while I was loading dirty laundry into the washing machine, my husband walked up behind me and said, “Jan, if water starts squirting everywhere, turn this knob.” Then he carefully demonstrated where and how to turn off the water. Well, several months later I was at the kitchen sink washing dishes when water suddenly sprayed everywhere. I was startled and scared. I immediately ran over to the washing machine, reached up and turned the knob. Yet when I turned back and looked into the kitchen, water was still squirting everywhere. Because I was scared, I was not using my higher level thinking skills. I told myself to calm down and take deep breath.

Let’s see, I thought. If I can turn off the water with a knob next to the washing machine, maybe there is a knob next to the kitchen sink.

I walked back into the kitchen, opened the cabinet below the sink and sure enough, there was a knob attached to a pipe down there. I reached inside and turned it. It worked! The water quit squirting. I was so proud of myself.

Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life!

The Power of Positive Thinking

So much of how we feel and behave originates with how we think. A keen awareness of what we’re thinking about is vital to our happiness. After we are aware of our thoughts, it is important to label them. Because we can only think one thought at a time, we can choose to replace negative, fearful and unloving thoughts with positive, courageous and loving ones. Our minds are incredibly powerful. We actually create our personal reality.


For example, the first time I attended my one and only prenatal class, the instructor told me if I breathed correctly during childbirth – it wouldn’t hurt. I believed him. A few days later my husband raced me to the hospital in the middle of the night because I’d sprung a leak. I sloshed up to labor and delivery where I found a nurse who ordered my husband to go back downstairs to check me in. Then she fired questions at me like a drill sergeant.

“Could I sit down, please?” I sheepishly asked.

Only slightly concerned, the nurse raised one eyebrow, told me to lie down then checked me.

“Oh my ______!” she screamed. “I’ve got to get a doctor!” (Screaming is not a reassuring thing to a woman in labor for the first time. Neither is cursing.) “Don’t push!” the nurse yelled excitedly as she dashed out the door. “Don’t push!”

Push what? I thought. I don’t want to push anything. I don’t feel so well.

A few moments later, a sleepy-eyed doctor dragged into the room, checked me and instantly ordered, “Don’t push!” He threw on some gloves, skidded to the foot of my bed and lunged toward me just in time to catch. Then my husband arrived, looking vaguely like a man from another planet in a white space suit.

“It’s a girl!” the doctor announced.

“Can I push now?” I asked the nurse.

“Push what?” she answered.

Why am I telling you this story? Because - this was my first experience with childbirth and I didn’t know I’d gone through the most difficult part of labor called transition on my ride to the hospital and that our baby was falling out. I thought I was experiencing the easy stuff and I had hours to go before I got to the hard stuff. The instructor at the prenatal class told me my first labor would be my longest – at least twelve hours. Because I had only attended one childbirth class, I didn’t know what was happening to me. My body and emotions were responding to what I thought was happening.

It works the same way in life. How we think about what is happening to us becomes what is happening to us. Thought control doesn’t necessarily take away the pain, but it helps us abide in all circumstances with a greater sense of calm. Like my doctor and nurse kept telling me – don’t push. We don’t have to push or force anything. We just have to be still and know God is in charge.

Back to Basics

I'm a member of a Stake Relief Society Presidency in Spanish Fork and we've organized a Back to Basics Event for this Saturday . . . that's tomorrow!  The event will be held at the Spanish Fork Palmyra Stake Center from 9:00 to 12:00.

We will be having classes and presentations on spiritual self-reliance, money management, getting out of debt, cooking with basic food storage items along with service and volunteer opportunities in the community.

We are also having the women who attend bring gently used books, toys and clothing to donate or swap. 

We'll also have humanitarian aid ideas and displays.

We're having fresh whole wheat bread with honeybutter or jam toppings for refreshments.

Any one who is interested is welcome to attend.

For a Great Night Out Consider This

I'm playing in a terrific concert next week! 

If you're looking for a great night out . . .  you might want to consider this evening of orchestra music at the American Fork High School.

The American Fork Symphony and BYU's New Horizon Orchestra are teaming up to present a great concert on Wednesday February 24 at 7:30.

Hope to see you there.

(American Fork High School:  510 N. 600 E.)

Happy Valentines Day Sweetheart

Dear Ross,
Happy Valentines Day sweetheart. I’ve been thinking about all the reasons I love you. I remember getting to know you in high school. I remember staying after school for yearbook and having you stop by after football practice. I remember feeling a tap on my shoulder and finding you on the opposite side grinning while I walked down the hall. I remember observing how kind you were to everyone. You didn’t know it but your peers looked up to you as a leader and friend. That is why they elected you student body president when you didn’t even run.

I remember how handsome and masculine I thought you were and how I admired your ability to be the total package . . . spiritual, academic, athletic, fun and kind. The first time you asked me out I was SO excited. On our first date I remember feeling warmly comfortable with you. I liked the way you weren’t concerned with what other thought of us and how much fun we had being goofy.

I remember our dates . . . mostly up in the canyons hiking around and enjoying the outdoors. I remember starting BYU together and the way you would walk me to devotionals. I remember the dances we went to and how it felt to have you hold me in your arms. I remember standing on my tip-toes when we hugged each other. I remember our first tender kiss the night before you left on your mission and the dozen red roses I received that night after you left when I was home alone feeling sad. I remember praying about our relationship many times and the resulting feelings of peace.

I remember two years of writing to each other EVERY week while you were in Samoa. I think we both grew in maturity and wisdom during those years. I remember wondering how we would feel about each other when you got home. Then one day after you returned we were driving in the truck together and I felt this overwhelming feeling of comfort and joy and I knew that you were the one for me.

We were just two naïve kids that didn’t know anything but that we loved each other . . . and so we joined our hands, our hearts, our lives and our destiny. Can you believe what a wonderful life we’ve had together? I had no idea there was so much love in the whole world. I don’t think we had any idea what was in store for us. God blessed our union with ten absolutely awesome children and now their spouses and our grandchildren.

I love being your wife. You are the perfect husband for me. I love your quiet acts of service. I love snuggling with you. I love the way you walk and talk. I love seeing your face come through the door at night after a hard day of work and the way you always give me a hug and kiss. I love kneeling at our bed each night and praying together. I love watching you get silly and play with our children and grandchildren. I love watching you work in the yard and the way you’ve made our two acres a piece of heaven on earth.

I respect your honesty and integrity. I love your sense of humor and your playful side that likes to tease and laugh. I love to see what your hands build and your heart embraces. You have a brilliant mind, a masculine body, a kind and gentle soul and my total heart forever. I look forward to the rest of our grand adventure together. You are my cherished friend and dearest love.

I love you.

Jan

Happy Birthday Emma

This is a poem I wrote for
my granddaughter Emma
on her 2nd birthday.

Happy Birthday Emma! 

Grandma Baadsgaard loves you
very, very much.

Emma and Jez

Once there was a girl named Emma
Who lived with a dog named Jez
Whenever she took her shoes off

Jez licked her toes to death

When Emma wanted quiet time
Jez thought she’d rather play

When Emma hugged her stuffed whale

Jez bit the fish and took it away.

Living with a puppy is hard work

When you are the ripe old age of two

Your cheeks are soft and pudgy

But dogs cover your face with goo

The one good thing about dogs

Is they eat what you throw on the floor

Then mother doesn’t see it

And make you eat some more

And when you feel your eyes roll

And you need your daily nap

There is always a fluffy pillow

With a puppy in your lap

A Few Thoughts Just For Mothers

*You don't have to be wise or wonderful all the time.  You don't have to know all the answers.  You don't always have to know the right thing to do.  You don't have to be strong all the time.  You just have to pray a lot.

*Children don't see the world as it is.  They see the world as they are.  So do you.

*Learn the difference between what you can actually do something about and everything you are concerned about.

*Don't worry so much about how your children will turn out.  Be more concerned with your ability to love your children and inspire them.

*You can't control your children.  You can only control yourself.

* People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

A Mom's Letter To A Thirteen-Year-Old Son

Dear John,

You’re thirteen years old today. You are now an adolescent . . . better known as a teenager. You already know about the physical changes occurring in your body as you grow into manhood. You know what it’s like to attend junior high and deal with multiple teachers and classes. You’ve been on Boy Scout over-night camp outs in snow caves. You know your voice is changing and that you grow out of your pants every couple of months. But here are ten things you might not know.


First, times of transition are an on-going part of life. Every single person who has ever lived to adulthood is going through what you are going through right now. So, on those days when you feel awkward and insecure always remember that you have the whole human race for company. Every person you see walking down the hall at school is feeling the same way . . . especially the ones who don’t show it.

Second, worry more about the kind of person you are on the inside than what you look like on the outside. No matter what tricks your hormones play on you at present, they even out and all the things you’re self conscious about will disappear like a bad dream. While your body is morphing into adult form, be patient with all the changes and be especially kind to those around you who are dealing with their own insecurities.

Third, don’t let anyone make you feel incompetent, useless or hopeless. It doesn’t matter if you can perform every single feat your P.E. teacher requires. You will become a wonderful adult even if you never passed off a perfect cartwheel or did the required number of pull-ups. Teachers who fill your short stories, poems and essays with red marks aren’t the final authority on your writing abilities. They are just tired, underpaid people with one opinion – their own. Your peers will point out your faults. Don’t reciprocate. Point out their strengths.

Fourth, don’t be afraid to be your unique self . . . even if you don’t fit the popular norm of your peers. Being able to stuff a basketball is great but so is figuring out a difficult algebra equation. Winning an election is nice but so is helping a peer with a learning disability. Being asked to a dance is fun but so is inviting several friends who weren’t asked over to your house and showing them a good time. Everyone has a unique gift that can bless the world. Discover your gift and share it.

Fifth, shake off the tendency to compare and compete with those around you. Celebrate other’s efforts and abilities as you would your own. We need people who fix cars as much as those who fix our nuclear power plants. We need those who compose a symphony no more that we need those who grow our food. We need those who work in factories as much as we need those who run the company. It takes a wide variety of competencies to run this old world. Never let money be your measure of success.

Sixth, give what you want to receive. If you want to feel important, find ways to help others feel appreciated for their efforts. If you want to feel rich, give your material possessions away. It you want to feel happy, give your time and attention to others with unmet needs. If you want to be at peace, be honest with yourself and others. You will be tempted to hoard and acquire. Don’t. Use everything God gives you to bless the lives of as many people as possible.

Seventh, if you want to excel at something remember it takes more than intelligence or talent . . . it takes persistence and thousands of hours of hard work. Don’t give up right before you get over the hump. If you want to do something well like play the piano, write a book, start a business, compose an opera or create a loving family – you will be tempted to quit when the going gets tough. Don’t ever give up. You never see the other side of the mountain if you give up before you reach the top.

Eighth, don’t be afraid to be alone. It is nice to have people like you, but it is even better to like yourself. The only person you will never lose or leave . . . is you. You will be tempted to go along with the crowd when an inner voice says no. Listen to that inner voice. There will be times when you must be physically alone in order to keep your self respect. Remember you are not ever spiritually alone.

Ninth, remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You will have people enter your life who will manipulate, control, take advantage of, belittle or threaten you. You must be your own best friend and decide today that you will only remain in relationships if they are safe and uplifting. Don’t be afraid to move on. There are healthy, caring people in the world waiting for your love and you will find them.

Tenth, remember that everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. When you hurt someone, don’t justify your actions. Ask for forgiveness and then don’t do it again. If you see people hurting others you must have the courage to do something about it. Though you may live in a society that exalts some people over others, treat all men with dignity and honor. Each person is a son or daughter of God and has a divine potential. Don’t confuse their actions with their intrinsic worth.

Finally, please know that no matter where you go or what you do, I will always love you because you’re you. I’ll always be your biggest and most devoted fan.

Love, Mom