It is Cold Out There!

One of my greatest disappointments is that I've lived in Utah all my life and I've never gotten used to being cold. My parents hail from Canada where, by their sworn testimony, they had to dig tunnels through the snow to the outhouse in the middle of wild, dark Canadian blizzards with their bare hands by the age of three. By all odds, I should have inherited a little Eskimo blood, but no such luck.
In the middle of one of the biggest storms of the century, there I sat shivering on a chair near my front room window wrapped in two afghans, drinking warm milk, when I noticed a strange sight on the deserted street in front of my home. Cars were abandoned in ditches right and left, but one lone car drove courageously forward in the darkness - two lone headlights on this treacherous bend of road.Suddenly this lone ranger car zipped into my driveway and out jumped my mom and dad in their shirt-sleeves, grinning from ear to ear, "We Canadians never let a little snow stop us."
The thing I hate worst about being outside in cold weather is being cold. The thing I hate next is watching animals without galoshes or earmuffs or anything standing there in the cold. I know, I know, I heard and you've heard that animals grow an extra thick layer of fur or hair or something to keep them warm during the winter. But how do we actually know that they're not cold. Have you ever asked a horse standing out in a snowy field, "Hey! You cold, fella?" Ever had one answer you?
So we don't actually know, after all, do we? I mean, horses and cows also live in places like California, too, and they get along just fine without ever experiencing a cold chill.
The other worry that always nags at me during this time of year is that somehow mankind will start running out of ways to heat our houses. I can see it now, the Eskimos and Canadians will start taking over. There will be a mass migration south for all winter wimps like myself. Whole northern cities will lie desolate just waiting for the strong silent Canadian Mountie Patrol to take up command posts.
I've noticed the farther north one travels, the less people pay any attention to the cold weather. It seems like people who have the most snow are the ones who are best at knowing what to do with it and in it.
Herein lies my problem. I firmly believe winter wimps should be allowed to go home from work and school, sit on their heat vents and drink hot chocolate at the first sign of a cold spell. We could stay warm at home, thinking wise thoughts and figuring out the great mysteries of life. If winter wimps were able to stay home without guilt during the cold winter months, maybe we wouldn't have so many boring office Christmas parties where you end up smiling so much your mouth hurts, and exchanging price stipulated gifts with total strangers.
The Canadians and Eskimos could have all the parties and get-togethers they want, but the rest of us could stay home and stay warm.Pin It