Grin and Share It

Our family slogan is: “If you keep both feet on the ground, you can’t get your pants on!” I like that slogan because it reminds me to take life lightly. To move from “grin and bear it” to “grin and share it” we need to surround ourselves with positive people and choose life-affirming activities. I’m usually way too serious, so I purposely write humorous family life newspaper columns, magazine articles and books to help me live on the bright side. If we’re naturally dour we need to practice laughing especially at ourselves by telling jokes, embarrassing stories or making up funny slogans. Laugher is a great form of exercise – like jogging on the inside.


We can get more mileage from our muff-ups and mistakes by sharing them. For example, the day I backed into my husband’s company truck with our family van in our own driveway was not a stellar moment. I instantly knew we’d have to pay for both repairs out-of-pocket. I felt so deeply dumb it leaked out my eyeballs. A man in my neighborhood dropped off his little girl to play with my daughter about an hour later. Dumbness was still leaking from my eyes when he arrived.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. When I told him, he laughed. His reaction was not what I expected. “Hey that’s nothing,” he continued. “You should have seen the look on this guy’s face when I pulled him over and forgot to put my patrol car in park. I was standing there writing him a speeding ticket when suddenly – bam! The poor guy got a speeding ticket and his new car rear-ended by the deputy sheriff in less than a minute. Not exactly a shining moment for the department.”

After hearing his story, I laughed out loud. Suddenly my driveway crash didn’t seem so bad any more. I instantly liked this deputy a lot more after he told me his story. Why? He became human to me. He was he no longer an intimidating, straight-faced officer with a gun just waiting behind the corner to catch me doing something stupid. He did dumb things just like me.

“Hey,” I answered. “Once I managed to wreck our car all by myself without even leaving our garage! It cost thousands to fix it!”

We went on trying to top each other with all the dumb things we’d done with our motor vehicles until we were both in stitches. The point here is - we both felt a lot better that day after we shared all our not-so-brilliant goof-ups. Why? Humor builds bridges, relieves stress and promotes health. The next time you do something really dumb don’t try to hide it. Blab it to everyone you see that day. Chances are you’ll learn all the goofy things everybody else has done and you’ll both feel a whole lot better.

A Great Quote

"Failure is perhaps the greatest key to success. More specifically, your response to failure is the real key. Growth in an organization only comes with stretching and risk taking. It is up to the leader to create a healthy environment where people are not afraid to fail. Mistakes should be seen as an integral part of the organizational process. They are a normal part of striving for excellence." *Andrew Harvey

Catastrophe + Time = Humor

One of the most amazing mathematical facts your algebra teacher never taught you is this - catastrophe + time = humor. The quicker we laugh about and share the embarrassing or humiliating events in our lives, the sooner we’ll relax and enjoy life. When we stop worrying about our public image, we begin living authentically. We don’t have to grit our teeth and endure life white-knuckled, afraid of looking incompetent or foolish to our friends, associates and family. Why? Because people actually relate to us better when we’re a dufus. All of us have felt inept at times. Nobody feels perfectly put-together and competent; we all have a slight inferiority complex. When we try to appear flawless, we give a false impression that intimidates others.


For example, once my family was asked to sing a musical number in church. I didn’t want to look incompetent so I made my large, unruly brood practice for several months until I was sure we were ready to perform flawlessly. Needless to say, events did not go as planned. When it came time for us to perform, I lined my little ones in front of the microphone on a stool and placed the older children behind them. My husband stood at the side holding the baby so he could make sure no one bolted for the door.

I sat down on the piano and was almost ready to begin my introduction when my young son on the front row suddenly sucked the entire microphone into his mouth and yelled, “Ahhh-OOOO-GA!!!”

I watched in horror as my husband set the baby down so he could de-suction our toddler from the microphone. Then the baby ran over to the piano and started banging on the keys. At this point the other little kids on the front row got the giggles so bad that snot foamed out their nostrils. The older children on the back row were so humiliated they were a member of our embarrassing family that they turned a deep shade of red, vowing to change their last name and move into an orphanage.

To this day, I can’t remember if we actually sang the song we’d meticulously prepared for that day. I was so embarrassed I don’t recall what actually happened after that. What I do remember is that I’ve never received so many compliments. I learned other people don’t expect our public performances to be perfect and, in fact, they are more entertaining when something goes wrong.

“That was the best musical number we’ve had in this ward for years,” was the sentiment I heard expressed from dozens of giggling ward members. The whole congregation seemed energized, happier and friendlier to each other that day. It dawned on me that my fellow church goers had not judged me as an incompetent mother saddled with uncontrollable, obnoxious children – they actually enjoyed the whole bumbling Baadsgaard performance. If we’re going to look goofy anyway, why waste so much time trying to appear like we’re not?

These days I actually enjoy showing up to any family performance to see what embarrassing or goofy things we are going to do this time. The day I quit trying to orchestrate or control what was going to happen was the day I began enjoying my life. Think about it - what do we talk about around the dinner table or when we visit with friends? We generally share the most embarrassing events in our lives. So why don’t we just laugh about them when they happen? If we had performed flawlessly that Sunday, our family musical number would have been quickly forgotten. Instead we are now recorded in the annals of church history. Everybody loved us for just trying. Why? Because we’ve all been there. We’ve all forgotten to zip up our pants, been turned down for a date, or failed a test. It makes us feel better when we see we’re not alone.

Smiling Creates Joy

Smiling is the forerunner of laughter. In fact, our ability to laugh is serious business. Did you know scientists have discovered if we suppress our laughter, it sucks back down into our body and spreads out at our hips? When we radiate happiness, it is reflected back to us. The opposite is also true. Remember the last time you felt grouchy? Wasn’t it amazing how everybody around you seemed to be having a bad day as well? In the morning when my children leave for school instead of saying, “Have a great day,” I say, “Make it great day. The choice is yours!”

When is the last time you laughed so hard your face hurt, your eyes watered and your nose ran? When is the last time you did something really dumb or embarrassing then laughed yourself silly right away instead of waiting for ten years to see the humor in the situation? When is the last time you shared a funny story or joke instead of your latest tragedy or ailment?

Smiling is also a great way to meet new people. I’ve learned strangers are just future friends I haven’t smiled at yet. Once I was sitting in the Marriot Center at BYU during a Women’s Conference. I was one of the speakers that day but none of my family or friends could make it to listen to my talk. I was feeling sad and alone even though there were thousands of women all around me. At that very moment, the woman sitting next to me turned and smiled. I smiled back.

“You have such beautiful skin,” she said.

Shocked, I looked into her kind eyes and answered, “Thank you.”

It felt like she’d tossed me a ball of sunshine. My usual response would be to dismiss a compliment with something like, “My skin? Are you kidding? I have such greasy skin and I still get zits.” Yet that day I felt the need to accept her gift with the same graciousness it was offered. I could tell she was sincere. In the end, it didn’t really matter what she said. She could have said, “You have such beautiful hangnails.” What mattered was that she smiled at me, acknowledged I existed and said something kind to me. Instantly, I no longer felt alone or sad any more. I had the impression that if this woman and I knew each other, we would be friends. It occurred to me that I was surrounded by family and friends. I just hadn’t met or smiled at them yet.

We unlock our personal power for good when we offer the gift of a genuine and loving smile. Turning up the corners of our mouths helps us spread sunshine every where we go. So on those days when we feel less than, worried, diminished, sad or lonely – we need to get out there and start smiling. I’ve learned my day usually goes the same way as the corners of my mouth.

Smiling Adventures Part Two

Never underestimate the power of a smile.

I remember a time when I was worried about one of my teenage sons. I prayed long and hard asking God to teach me how to demonstrate my deep love for him. The impression I received was simple – smile. This answer perplexed me. Still, I gave it a try. I began smiling at my son more often. I made an effort to catch his eye and smile at him during breakfast and at supper. Before he left for school, I hugged, kissed and smiled at him. When he was driving away in the car, I waved and smiled. When he got home, I smiled. Something happened to me because of those smiles. I felt more love for my son. My heart softened toward him. I noticed myself appreciating him more and becoming keenly aware of his courage in the face of adolescence. I wasn’t sure at the time if he noticed or if it meant anything to him. Teenage boys aren’t famous for expressing tender emotions. Some time later I received a letter from this son who had become an adult.


“Dear Mom, thank you for smiling at me. When I was making my most difficult decisions I would see your face in my mind, smiling,” he wrote. “I knew you loved me and it made all the difference.”

Smiling creates an instant connection – a universal language that says, “Hi! I notice you. I like what I see.” Smiling is something positive we do that elevates our thoughts and the thoughts of the one receiving the smile. Grinning helps the person we smile at feel noticed, accepted and validated. Yes, some chronically grouchy people will be suspicious and will not respond in kind – but even then we can drive them crazy wondering what we’re up to.

Like learning to play a musical instrument, smiling will not come naturally at first. If we want to get good at something, we have to practice. When I played the violin for the first time, I didn’t know how to hold the bow or where to place my fingers on the strings. The sound I produced was scratchy and ear piercing. Likewise, our first cautious smiles won’t instantly produce a sudden change in life as we know it. In fact we may feel uncomfortable and even embarrassed at first. Most people start out smiling tentatively - ready to take back their smile if it’s not returned. If we keep trying, our efforts to smile easily and often will soon become a habit. The more we smile, the more others will be drawn to us. Smiling and receiving a smile is a simple moment of connected joy.

Celebrating the 4th of July with my Family

Smiling Adventures

Smiling is the quickest way to change a bad mood.  However, getting other people to smile on demand is a bit tricky. Attempts to get my sizeable family bathed, dressed and looking pleasant for a picture is like medieval torture. Just saying the words “family portrait” makes me break out in a cold sweat. When my non-enthusiastic family is finally lined up for this mother-initiated activity, I feel great compassion for our frazzled photographer.


“Pull that finger out of your nose,” the photographer says. “Would the teenager on the back row take off the sun glasses? Now everybody, look at me. You in the black suit - quit giving your wife finger antlers. Now on the count of three, everybody look at me and say pickles. One, two, three - pickles!”

Pickles? Why pickles? Because saying that word makes people smile. Try it. Why do we want to see ourselves smiling in pictures? Why not just snap a realistic photo of family members milling around showing their true mood at the moment? Because we all look and feel better when we smile. So why don’t we do it more often?

While insisting others smile can be a cause of great frustration, getting ourselves to smile will always bring us joy. If you want to conduct a truly magical experiment try this. Look each person you encounter in the eye and then smile. Do this even if you don’t feel like it and whether or not your life is running smoothly at the moment. Do this with family members and total strangers. Notice how smiling makes you feel.

When we smile, we send the signal to our brain that we’re happy. Our body responds to what we think and pretty soon we are happy. We feel more relaxed and radiant when we smile. Also observe the responses you receive after you smile. Most people will smile back. Will you receive a few odd looks? Yes, but don’t let that discourage you. Why do most people smile back? Because when someone smiles, we assume they’re thinking a kind thought about us. Smiling is contagious. The more smiles we give away, the more smiles we receive in return.