Official Book Trailer for HEALING FROM NEGLECT. . . When Those We Love Don't Love Us

 http://youtu.be/_KHUSmFkJgA
Here is the official book trailer
for my new book
coming out in May
called
HEALING FROM NEGLECT . . . When Those We Love Don't Love Us.

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"HEALING FROM ABUSE" book by Janene Baadsgaard is an answer to prayer

Here is a letter I received from a reader about her experience with abuse in her marriage.

"Two days ago, I left my counselors office and went to Deseret Book, in hopes of finding a book that could help to bring me comfort. I have been searching Church bookstores for more than twenty years, hoping to find a book on verbal and emotional abuse. For 36 years, I have known that things were not right, but the only sources I could find in the church discussed not being so selfish and trying harder to make my spouse happier. Because of those books and articles, I essencially gave away every right to love and respect, let him do whatever he wanted, never voiced an opinion, convinced that I was the problem. He grasped upon this newfound sense of control and raged forward to crush my spirit, while trying to raise his own sense of selfworth. As I lay curled up on a bed in fetal position last December, after an hour of being yelled at, accused, condemned, told that I was the cause of all that was wrong, I prayed throughout the whole night for the Lord to take me home. As it continued the next day, the Spirit came upon me, and in a feeling of warmth and peace, I knew that the time to leave had come. However, even in doing so, I have been plagued with a sense of failure and wondering if I will ultimately be condemned for leaving a marriage that was sealed in the temple. Was I giving away every blessing and chance that I had for the Celestial Kingdom by filing for a divorce? Maybe I was really a sick person and did not know it! Was I just not willing to look at what a horrible person I had become? Could it be that “I” was in denial, and not my husband? Was “I” the problem? My husband affirmed that the answers to these questions was “yes”.
My counselor began to help me see what was really happening at home, and that the answer to these questions was actually a resounding “NO”. I began to feel that I was doing the right thing by leaving, in spite of my grown children’s protests. I gained strength and confidence. But the questions about the eternal consequences I might face continued to plague me. For weeks I had prayed to have some answers….I prayed that there might be a book to help me and answer my questions, so that I could feel the peace I so desparately wanted. The next day, I went to Deseret Book and felt prompted to buy your book. Thank you so much! Your descriptions of the abuser and the abused describe so perfectly the life that I have led for 36 years. The scriptures and quotes from prophets and apostles, along with the explainations and interpretations of their meaning have helped to give me a sense of peace and purpose that I have never possessed. Realizing that by leaving, I am stopping the abuse and am actually helping HIM to not further condemn himself, is a huge help. Thank you so much…..my only wish is that your book had been available 30 years ago, when I searching for such answers back then! I am finally , beginning to look forward to the rest of my life."

 

"Healing From Abuse" Reader Review

I just received this letter from a kind reader.

"I have been meaning to send you a note for ages, thanking you for writing "Healing from Abuse". I know it was not an easy thing for you to do, faced as you were with so many challenges. I admire you so much for your courage and persistence! This is a book that really needed to be published. It is one of the best I have ever read on the subject of abuse. I have given it to several people who desperately to read it.
On a more personal note, thank you SO much for your message in the book that it is not mandatory to continue in a relationship with an abuser in order to experience true forgiveness. Unfortunately and sometimes tragically, this viewpoint is conveyed to abuse victims more often than we imagine, by people who are in a position of trust in their lives. It happened to me. I was told by a church leader many years ago that not only should I forgive the abuser in my life, but 'put my arms around him', tell him how much I loved him, and continue in a relationship with him, because that is what good members of our church do. Believe me when I tell you that this abuser was not someone who should remain in my life, or in the lives of my loved ones. This was a situation in which the authorities had to be contacted. I certainly agreed that I needed to forgive him, but it would have been extremely harmful to continue in a relationship with him, period. I know that forgiveness can be achieved without remaining in a destructive relationship, and as you said in your book, forgiveness is as much for the victim as it is for the abuser, because it is very difficult to move past the abuse if you are locked in the pain and anger of the past. I was angry for a long time. (I wish I had been able to read your book then!) I have since been able to move toward forgiveness but, as you also said in your book, it is a long process and I am not quite there yet, even after all these years. But I haven't remained angry and bitter, and have been able to help others, and that has been so valuable and important in my healing process.
Again, Janene, thank you for going through what you did to publish this wonderful book."

 

I Have A New Author Facebook Page

I have a new author facebook page called Baadsgaard Bylines where I share my news and views. I also regularly interview Granny B for her wit and wisdom. Check it out at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Baadsgaard-Bylines/134614790040114?ref=hl.

If you like it, be sure to click the "like button" for that page and then share it with your family and friends.

 

Granny B do you have anything you want to share today?
"Yes sir, I do. Did you know that after much serious research by learned scholars on the subject, scientists have discovered it's bad to suppress laughter. If you do, it sucks back down into your body and spreads out at your hips."
 

Thank you for sharing Granny B.

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On The Roller Coaster Called Motherhood

I've been writing about the ups and down of family life for many years. Here is a story from my book "On The Roller Coaster Called Motherhood".

I've been going to parent/teacher conferences for over thirty years. Certain meetings have proved to be unforgettable. For example, this is what my daughter's kindergarten teacher told me.

"I have seventy students. There are thirty-five in my morning session and thirty-five in the afternoon. Well, I'd just finished with boots number 137 and 138 on little Billy before I got to the end of the line - your daughter. We shoved and we pushed and we sweated, but we finally managed to get those stubborn boots on her. As I leaned back to take a deep breath, your daughter said, 'These aren't my boots.'
"Oh, great, I thought. Some fellow student has walked off with the wrong pair of boots. So we huffed and puffed and pushed and pulled, and finally we got them off.
"Then your daughter sweetly said, 'Those are my big brother's boots, but my mom makes me wear them anyway.'Pin It

Poem for a One-Year-Old

Lily’s Poem

By Grandma Baadsgaard
Happy First Birthday Lily.
I love you.
You make my heart sing.

 

Did you know Lily’s turning one today
So everybody should shout hurray
With a darling dimple on each cheek
And two chubby feet that play hide and seek

Lily can chase your troubles away
Her smile keeps all your grown-up worries at bay
For Lily spreads sunshine where ever she goes
As she wiggles her nose and fingers and toes

She makes everyone happy with a turn of her head
And if you are listening you’ll hear what she said

 

“Mommy, just keep holding me tight
And don’t forget to kiss me goodnight.”
“Daddy, I sure like your big bear hugs
I’ll always be your cute beetle bug.”

Grandma, “Thanks for tending me
When Mommy’s busy with piano-bee.”
Grandpa, “Thanks for candy treats
And lots and lots of Sunday sweets.”

This big wide world is pretty great
When I have all you guys in wait

 Though I’ll always be your sweet Lily pad
There will be times when I make you mad
Like when I just won’t sleep at night
And keep our house a bomb-hit sight

But always when I’m fast asleep
You’ll sneak to my bed and take a peek
That’s when your angel you will see
For your sweet Lily Pad I’ll always be.

 

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THE TRUE MEANING OF SUCCESS

I was driving home the other day when a billboard caught my eye. It was a large picture of an older woman with her arms crossed in front of her chest. She had a broad smile on her face. The caption read, “Put poor kids though college . . . ...pass it on.”
Hey, I’m doing that too, I remember thinking.
Only the poor kids are all mine. Ross and I have always lived on a modest single salary. People told us you can’t raise a big family without two incomes these days. You can – if you want to bad enough. We had a dream when we married. We wanted to raise a large family and make investments in our children. So we made plans and went to work so we could offer all our ten children a university scholarship when they graduated from high school. We knew investing in human beings brings meaningful dividends.
As the years went by we both had opportunities come to us that would have required we limit our family size or the amount of time we had to spend with our children. We passed. We had a vision. We knew what felt right for us, a personal formula for success that felt good to us in our own soul.
We all need a vision – an inner flight plan that takes us where we want to land. If our vision only includes acquiring more material possessions and not blessing the lives of others . . . that is what we will end up with in the end. Through the years we have observed people with stuff visions. When they achieved the big house, new car or notoriety they sought, it did not make them happy. Lives spent on self and acquiring more possessions never satisfies. The thrill of ownership fades as quickly as the red paint on a new sports car.
I starting writing newspaper columns so I could afford to give all my children piano lessons. Writing about being a mom was something I could do at home. One thing led to another and pretty soon the columns became books.
One Saturday morning I was signing books at Barns and Noble when someone walked up and said, “Wow, you’re an author. That’s so glamorous. I’ll bet you lead a pretty exciting life.”
I chuckled as I recalled the morning’s events before I got to the store. I’d snuggled with my husband and a half dozen kids in bed, done three loads of laundry, cleaned up after soggy waffles then nursed and changed the baby. Before I hopped in the van to drive to the bookstore I spied a pile of do–do on our driveway covered with flies. I noticed my toddler near the mess minus his pants and underwear.
“Do you know anything about this?” I asked
“Sorry Mom,” my little boy answered. “I had to go real bad and I couldn’t wait.”
So I quickly dragged out the garden hose and ran some bath water. We splashed until my little boy laughed so loud it made my heart sing. I was late for the book signing, but I really didn’t care. All the people I cared most about weren’t at the store.
“Actually,” I said turning to the stranger talking to me at the author signing table, “writing is pretty boring compared to being a mom. Now that’s exciting.”
When it looks good to the world but doesn’t feel good in our soul, it isn’t success.

The LDS Mother's Almanac - Story Behind the Book

One afternoon after an exhausting day dealing with the chaotic demands of my large family and a busy husband, an editor from Deseret Book called me and asked me to write a comprehensive book for mothers.
"What do you mean by comprehensive?"... I asked.
"You know, you cover about everything a mother needs to know."
I laughed out loud.
"I can't do that. It's not possible and besides, I'm not an expert." I replied.
"We didn't ask you because you're an expert. We asked you because we love your writing style. You help mothers laugh, relax and feel good about themselves and what they do."

After more shameless bribery, I finally agreed to give it a try.

Within the next few days, my husband was called as a Mormon bishop and I found out I was pregnant with child number ten. (I was in my late forties).

I deeply doubted myself. How could I possibly write this book when my husband and children would not quit jumbling up my days with constant family demands and drama? How could I even think straight when I was so nauseated I could barely get my head off the floor. Certainly there was someone out there more qualified. I just was not up for up this. With all the material I could cover, I didn't even know where to start?

That weekend, my husband was headed up to the Homestead resort in Utah for some business meetings and I decided to go with him. While he was in planning meetings during the day, I had the opportunity for some quiet time to think away from my noisy household.

I was sitting alone in a hotel bed pregnant and nauseated contemplating where to begin. How could I write a comprehensive book for mothers when I was still trying to figure out this mom stuff for myself? I cried, but that just gave me a headache. So I got on my knees and prayed with a sincerity and earnestness that only comes from complete desperation. I was on my knees for a long, long time. I poured out all my inadequacies and flaws. I told God I could not write this book without His help.

Finally the answer came, clear and sweet. I needed to re-read the proclamation on the family. As I read, and reread this document, the jumble of anxieties in my head felt at peace for the first time.

“We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”

This quote became SECTION ONE titled Better Beginnings where I discussed pregnancy, labor, delivery, and caring for a new baby. I was also living through pregnancy, labor, delivery and caring for a new baby in my own life while I was writing about it.

“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.”

This quote became SECTION TWO called Understanding the Basics where I discussed children at different ages of development, discipline, housework, preparing meals, laundry, yard work family finances and fitness. I was also trying to fit in all these hundreds of demands on my energy while I was writing about it.

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

This quote became SECTION THREE where I give ideas for celebrations, birthdays, holidays, important events, the outdoors, family vacations and daily life. I was also living through all the crazy holidays, events and vacations while I was writing about it.

“Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”

This quote became SECTION FOUR where I discussed expression, art, cooking, crafts, computers, dance, drama, music, photography, reading, science, math, writing, family fun, nurturing self and grandma-hood. I was also wondering how to fit in all that good stuff and learning to be a new grandma while I was writing about it.

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teaching of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

This quote became SECTION FIVE where I discussed the family and the church, perfecting the saints, proclaiming the gospel, redeeming the dead, balancing busy family life, spiritual growth for moms and dealing with tough problems. I was also trying to create spiritual growth in my unbalanced self while I was writing about it.

Yet, even after I had a vision for the organization and what I wanted to discuss, my life was not happily ever after. I got about 200 pages into the manuscript before I got bogged down and discouraged. I wanted to give up. The new book and my life were just too exhausting and overwhelming. I rarely saw my busy bishop husband, my ten very active children were a hand full and the newborn late-night feedings and teenage curfew breakers kept me in a state of perpetual sleep deprivation.

Then 911 happened. I thought about all the mothers and fathers who were killed in the towers. I thought about the possibility of my own death and what I would want my children and grandchildren to know. My deep love for my own sons and daughters gave me the will to continue when I wanted to give up. So, I just kept waking up every day, rubbing my eyes and giving it my best shot.

Is "The LDS Mother’s Almanac", my comprehensive book for mothers, a literary masterpiece? Far from it. Do I have a perfect family? Far from it. Did I ever see my husband again when he was released as bishop? No. They made him stake president. Did I ever get a goodnight’s sleep? No, I still have teenagers and my husband snores. And guess what, I’ve never really felt like I figured out how to be a mom. I think that’s OK. I think we all feel like that.

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Poem For a Five-Year-Old

Emma’s Poem

By Grandma Baadsgaard

Here is a poem I wrote just for you
on your fifth birthday
I love you very much

 When you’re turning five
You sure know you’re alive
You’re learning all the letters
So your reading can be better

If you practice it a lot
You can learn to skip and hop
And if you’re really brave
You might start a two-wheel craze

Learning all your numbers
Makes you kind of slumber
And eating lots of beans
Makes your eyes look mean

So sometimes you say, “No!”
But Mommy just says, “So . . .”
Then you’re back to feeling mad
With squishy eyes that are so sad

But when Daddy throws you way up high
You know that you can touch the sky
And when you come back down again
We’re not so sure just where you’ve been

For turning five gives you wings to fly

And far too soon you’ll be six by and by

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Ten Valuable Truths for Making Friends

Ten Valuable Truths
For
Making Friends

by

Janene Baadsgaard

 

After attending four elementary schools, two junior highs and two high schools while I was growing up, I learned several valuable truths.

*If I want friends, I can’t wait for people to reach out to me – I have to reach out to them  

. . . first.

*If I want people to be interested in me – I need to be interested in them . . .  first.

*If I want to develop intimacy with someone, I need to share intimate details about myself

 . . . first.

*If I’m a happy friendly person, I will attract happy friendly people to me.

 

Because I never knew when my parents were going to announce yet another move for our family, I developed strategies to make friends quickly.

First, I notice and quietly observe people everywhere I go. I’m always on the look-out for some way to compliment the person next to me.

I make eye contact, smile and say something simple like “Hi. What do you think of this weather?”

Then I ask for their name or point out something complimentary I’ve noticed about them.

It’s easy to keep the conversation going when you’re more interested in the other person than worried about how you are being perceived.

To keep a conversation going I ask for their opinion about something.

 As I’ve grown older I’ve learned these truths:

*If I genuinely like people . . . first, they like me back.

For example, if I mentally focus on what is wonderful about the people around me instead of why they bother or annoy me, they seem to instinctively know that I like them. I believe people can perceive your thoughts on some level.

*If I’m engaged in helping the community, I find great friends.

For example, I was always concerned about the condition of the old abandoned cemetery in my town and volunteered my time to get it restored. I made numerous history loving friends in the process.

*If I’m continually learning, I meet the most interesting people.

For example, I am a member of a senior citizen orchestra that takes beginners. People who keep learning make great friends. We meet twice a week for two hours and on breaks we share what is going on in our lives.

*Participating in a faith group brings me together with people who make good meaningful friends.

 For example, I participate in a book club with women from my faith group. People who love to read make interesting friends. Our monthly discussions become more intimate as we learn to know and appreciate each other.

*The best way to make emotional contact is to be open and honest about myself and my difficult or embarrassing life experiences.

For example, I am not afraid to share difficult experiences I’ve had. When I open up about myself, I invite those around me to do the same. Once I was at the grocery store and my son turned to the person behind us and said, “Hey you want to see my new Spider Man underwear?”

If I expect others to share their “underwear” or difficult experiences with me I need to be willing to share embarrassing or difficult life experiences with them.

*When I throw caution to the wind and expose myself to rejection, I have the chance to make wonderful life-long friendships.

Once I heard a woman talk at social gathering. I really enjoyed what she had to say.

Later I thanked her for her talk and said, “I can tell you are an awesome person and I’d really like to get to know you better.”

We talked casually whenever we saw each other after that. When she found out my daughter was getting married, she called me up and found out ways she could help me. As we spent time together planning the wedding, we talked and talked and talked. This women and I became life-long friends because I wasn’t afraid to tell her I wanted to be her friend and she wasn’t afraid to include herself in my daughter’s wedding plans. Emotional sharing came later after we learned that we were safe with each other. We discovered that we’d both been raised in troubled homes. We were able to become the loving sister to each other that we both longed for.

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Going to the Mountains in Winter Brings Peace

We hiked up to our cabin this past weekend.

Our busy lives had trapped us

in the valley smog for too long.

Deep snow packed roads left us

to hike alone  

for miles

through frosted trees

and rolling hills 

vast vistas of frozen water 

sparkling like millions of diamonds

in the morning sun.

 

What I enjoyed most was . . . stillness.

 

Few venture into the mountains
when all is white.
For those who brave the cold and ice
 comes a quiet whisper . . .  
trust God
with all the seaons
of your life
all that seems wrong 
will someday yield to spring.
But for now . . .
rest
and feel at peace.
 

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Thank You Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney gave an address in 1999 to the Marriott School convocation at BYU. He explored ways to measure our life's journey. This speech was recently re-printed in the BYU alumni Magazine BYU/MAGAZINE winter 2013 volume 67, number 1. Here are a few gems:


"There's an element of unpredictability, of uncertainty, of lottery, if you will, in the world that has been created for us. If you judge your life's success by the world's standards, you may be elated or you may be gravely disappointed . . . What will you live for? The ability to live with integrity with the core of our values of love, family, service, and devotion is entirely up to us. Fundamentally, this is the business of successful living."

"On my father's 80th birthday, I asked him what had brought him the most satisfaction in his life, what his greatest accomplishment was. He had been a three-term governor, United States Cabinet member, presidential candidate, CEO, multimillionaire, and prominent Church leader. His answer was immediate: "My relationship with your mother and with my children and grandchildren is my greatest accomplishment and satisfaction."

"Golda Meir, Prime Minister of Israel, voiced the same truth in an interview on the Today Show. She explained that being a mother was her life's greatest accomplishment."

"Unless you purposefully hold fast to living first by your innermost values, . . . you will read too much into your worldly successes and, perhaps just as dangerously, read too much into your worldly setbacks."

"They(the world) do not measure your worth nor define your success unless you choose for them to do so."

"When living in integrity with your core values, your success and fulfillment are not subject to votes, to others' opinions, or to chance."

And may I add . . . Mitt thank you for choosing to live a life of integrity. Thank you for being willing to run for the highest office in this land. Thank you for always putting your family and your values first. God bless you and your family for the example you are to all of us. Though many of us are disappointed that you didn't win the presidential race, none of us are disappointed with the life you've lived. Thank you. Pin It

Wonderful Fatherhood Video

Watch a wonderful video about fatherhood here.

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"Healing From Abuse" Radio Interview

I will be interviewed on KMTI AM 650 AM and 95.1 FM radio on Tuesday Jan 29th at 8:20 in the morning. We will be discussing my book "Healing From Abuse". Hope you can tune in.