Sharing A Tender Post By My Daughter April

My daughter April with her son Caleb
Tonight my nine-year-old son Matthew curled up on my lap and asked, "Mom, do you ever wish Caleb had a regular body?"

I answered, "Well, I think Caleb and his little body just go together- his body is a special part of his mission."

Matthew replied, "I know, but don't you ever wish he could be normal?"

I could see that he was tearing up and responded, "I bet you'd love to run around and play with Caleb like your other brothers."

"No, it's not really that." Matthew explained.

Then I knew.

"Matthew," I said, "Do you want to know what is the hardest part about Caleb's special body is for me? I worry that someday I'll have to say goodbye. I worry he might die."

Matthew broke down.

"Me too." He continued, "I just don't understand why Heavenly Father would give you some years of such great happiness, but then you might have even more years of sadness.... I just can't ever picture how it would be without Caleb...."

We both cried. I explained how thankful we are that we've had Caleb longer than any doctors ever thought. We talked about how it is a miracle we've been granted the blessing to care for Caleb and feel his pure spirit every day. We understand no matter what the future holds, our family can be together forever. I am eternally thankful for that knowledge and testimony -

but it's still hard.

It's hard to have the quiet worry of goodbye in the corners of our hearts. It's hard to know our time together on Earth might not be as long as we wish...

My grandson Mathew with his brother Caleb
Matthew prays every night that Caleb will live a long time. I do too. That's what we plan for! That's what we keep foremost in our minds. But tonight I was reminded that my carefree little Matthew- quietly worries. And my heart was a little broken.

If you want to read more about Caleb - you can find his story at http://winkfromheaven.blogspot.com/


shirlgirl said...

Oh, Janene, my heart aches for Matthew. What wisdom for such a young boy. April certainly gave him the right answer. Your grandsons certainly love their dear brother Caleb so much and it is so heartwarming to see how much they show him their love--holding his hand, kissing him, napping with him, just being beside him. Beautiful! Caleb has certainly touched many lives, and I know he has touched mine just as Ben has touched all of our lives. Your family is very special, and April is one awesome Mom. Thank you for sharing April's blog with us.

Becky said...

Such a tender post...one that I know all about. This left me in tears this morning, as it reminded me of Stevie's relationship with Ben.